Page 77 of Owen

Jade nibbles on her thumbnail. “Can I ask you something?” Her voice sounds a pitch higher than normal.

“It’s at least ten inches, Hotshot,” I answer cheekily, making her chest shake with laughter. “Ask away. What do you want to know, Jade?”

“If… What… Oh, I can’t ask you. Forget it.” She rolls onto her back and stares at the ceiling.

I roll on top of her, pressing our bodies together, and lean my forearms on either side of her head.

“Talk to me.”

Her eyes bounce back and forth between mine. “Have you started looking for a job?”

“I have.”

“In finance?”

“Yeah.”

“Is that what you want to do?”

“No.”

I wanted you to ask me to look after Poppy full-time, but I know you’re looking for a nanny.

I continue. “But I need to pay my own way and eat. And if I am moving in with Gregor, then I will need money to contribute toward the household bills.”

“Okay. But would you be open to offers?”

I widen my eyes in anticipation. “Spill.”

“I can’t find a nanny,” she blurts.

I open then close my mouth, then eye her suspiciously, pulling my brows together. “Wait, I thought you’d had over twenty resumes from the agency and you were interviewing the shortlist when we got back?” Which I was disappointed about.

She groans. “None of them are suitable. Some can’t stay over. Some need every weekend off; others need every Thursday off. What the hell happens on a Thursday?” She’s sounding stressed, and her voice goes all squeaky. “One of them wants more than fifty days’ vacation a year because she likes to travel for a month every year. I don’t even get fifty vacation days a year.”

“Right.” I draw out the word, hoping she’ll get to the point soon. I’m pretty sure I’ve figured out what she wants from me though, and I am so fucking excited I can’t contain my smile. “So why haven’t you told me this sooner? We go home in five days.” I taunt her, hoping she’ll ask methequestion.

Ask me to take care of Poppy.

She scowls hard. “Because for the first time in my life, I feel out of control. My job requires me to be organized, focused, responsible at all times. I’ve flown thousands of hours at Mach speed. I’m a leader, a great one. I’m motivated and I motivate others. I’ve completed front line tours, lived in tents under the blazing heat of the desert, completed assault courses, then walked for ten kilometers, then completed another assault course right after which made me vomit my lungs up. I even survived on only a couple of hours’ sleep a night for the firstweeks of officer training. I’ve done all of that, and yet, finding someone I trust who can look after the most precious thing in my life seems an impossible task.” She pauses. “I can’t do it. And—” She looks angry at herself for admitting how she’s feeling. “I’m scared to leave her with anyone I don’t know, and even more petrified that if I don’t find someone, I will probably get kicked off the team. Although maybe that would be easier; I wouldn’t have a crazy schedule, except then I will have to return to my fast jet squadron, and I know I will have to go on deployment for six months somewhere which leaves me in the same position I’m in now.” Her eyes dart from mine to the ceiling and I watch as her panicked mind takes hold. “Oh my God, I need help, and fast.”

And a paper bag to blow into.

Her heart is beating like a set of bongo drums.

“Hey, hey. Just breathe, Hotshot,” I say, using a soothing voice to calm her. “They can’t and won’t do that. There are strict employment laws.” She’s overthinking it, but we need to solve the nanny, or lack of, situation.

Her voice sounds hopeless as she tells me everything she should have told me days ago. “I’ve barely been back at work two months and I’m already failing at this mom and work thing. I have hundreds of displays to perform from the beginning of June through to the end of September. And we still have more shows to be confirmed overseas and in the UK. I haven’t found anyone who can even nearly accommodate my ridiculous schedule.” A tear runs down her temple and I brush it away, my heart spiking with pain for her. “I thought I had this all figured out, but I don’t. I didn’t account for Mom having an accident. And I now know why the other female pilots with children don’t apply for aerobatic selection because I failed the team as soon as I got pregnant and now that I can’t find a nanny, I’mgoing to fail them all over again. And I am failing Poppy too. I can’t do this.”

She squeezes her eyes shut. “I’m a failure.” She covers her face with her hands, then muffles into them. “I’m too ashamed to look at you.”

“Jade,” I coax. “You are not a failure, far from it. But you keep mentioning losing your job. Legally, that can’t happen, unless there is something you’re not telling me. What is really going on, Hotshot?” I can feel there is more to this than she’s letting on.

Eventually, she whispers into her cupped hands on her face so quietly I don’t catch her words.

She’s scared or hiding something,or both.

“Jade, baby. Look at me.”

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