“I was very upfront with you about Jesse moving in,” he reminded her.
“Oh yeah, claiming it was because Gavin ordered you to. I can’t believe I fell for that.”
“It was true!” he protested. “Gavin did. Jesse and I—we’d only had sex once at that point. Last summer. And once he got traded, I had no intention of starting up again.”
“Only, clearly you did.” Her tone was bitter.
“I did,” Connor admitted. “But we—the kids don’t know.”
Or they hadn’t until Connor and Viv had started arguing about it. He wasn’t so sure now. But one crisis at a time, right?
She crossed her arms. “You should have told me when it changed.”
“I didn’t know it would—would turn into more.”
“Oh.” She paled. “It’s—you havefeelingsfor him.”
Connor looked away. “I’m still working it all out in my head. And he doesn’t know.”
“I don’t even know who you are anymore, Connor. I always knew we were raised with different values but?—”
“Oh, don’t even go there,” Connor snapped. “There is nothing wrong with the way I was raised. My parents weren’t perfect and no, we weren’t Orthodox, but I was raised to be loving and supportive and?—”
“It would have been nice if you’d shown that while we were married.”
“I fucked up, okay!” Connor said, his voice going ragged when emotion clogged his throat. “I wasn’t a good enough husband to you. Focusing on my career meant yours went on the backburner. And I’msorry. I’ve regretted that for years but we’re over, Viv. We’re done. We were done for so long before we made it official and I hate that for us. I hate that for our children. None of this has gone the way I wanted it to. But I love Nolan and the girls. You know I do. And it hurts to hear you act like I’m a shitty father because I’m with someone else now. Jesse makes me happy. Hedoes. And I am sorry if that hurts you but I’m not gonna throw him aside because it makes you uncomfortable.”
She stood there, her mouth open, before she snapped it shut. “Fine. Then I’m going to get the kids and we’re going to go. Like we originally planned.”
“Oh, so you’re just gonna walk out without even responding to what I said?”
“What the hell do you want me to say, Connor? I don’t approve ofanyof this.”
“No one is asking you to! But it would be nice if you could accept my apology and admit Jesse hasn’t done anything wrong. You don’t have to approve of us but I wish you could see how good he is with the girls and Nolan.”
“Is he?”
“Yes! If you could take your blinders off for a few fucking minutes you could see that! Did you watch him with them today, Viv? He was kind and patient and loving to all of our children. What more do you want from him?”
“I don’t wantanythingfrom him. I want you to be an adult and not get swept up in some affair with a twenty-year-old boy from your team.”
“Jesse is a grown man,” Connor said icily. “He’s twenty-four—twenty-five in less than a month.”
“You’re still eleven years older than him.”
“I am,” Connor said. “But you know what? I don’t have a problem with that and neither does he. And I think you need to sit down and take a good hard look at whyyouhave such a problem with the idea of Jesse and I being together. Because you’re acting like we’re still married and I cheated on you andthat’s about as far from the truth as possible. So figure your own shit out, Vivian, and let me figure out mine.”
CHAPTER THIRTY
Jesse had only caught little snippets of the argument Connor had with Viv. He’d heard his name a few times and caught the stricken expression on Nolan’s face when he came racing back to the playground, fists clenched, expression stormy, but that was about it.
Nolan had refused to say anything or to even look at his mother. He’d spoken only to Connor, begging to stay with him for the next few days.
Viv had finally given in to the idea of Nolan staying with Connor, but she’d taken the girls—who had clung to Connor tearfully while he’d promised he’d see them later that week—and left.
Now, Connor held out his keys to Jesse. “Will you drive?” he asked hoarsely. “Please? I don’t think I can …”
Jesse nodded, worried about him, but unsure of what to say or do with Nolan there. “Yeah. Of course. Back home?”