Page 166 of Goaltender Interference

“I—it made me feel inadequate. Like I wasn’t enough for you.”

“Viv,” he said, his heart aching. “That wasn’t it.”

“I’m trying to believe that.” She gave him a weak smile. “But I already felt like I wasn’t a good hockey wife.”

He winced because he knew exactly what she meant. “You weren’t like all of the other wives, no,” he admitted.

“I wasn’t like your mother either.”

Connor glanced over, frowning. “What do you mean?”

“She’s given her whole life to being the perfect hockey wife and mother. And I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with it!” Viv hastily added. “Catherine isamazing. You have no idea how grateful I am she’s done the same to support our kids, especially after our divorce. But you have to admit, Connor, that’s her whole world.”

He nodded. “True.”

“And that’s—that’s perfect for her, you know? She seems really happy. But that wasn’t me.”

“And you felt like I wanted you to be more like her,” Connor whispered.

“I think so, yeah,” Viv said quietly.

“Fuck!” He glanced over. “I’m sorry.”

She nodded. “I’m sorry too. We both—we both could have done a lot better.”

“We could have,” he agreed.

She twisted the piece of tissue between her fingers. “You know studying law was my rebellion against my parents.”

Connor nodded. “Yeah.”

“They were … they were very strict, you know? Going to college was fine. They wanted me to be well-educated, well-rounded. But they never wanted me to make acareerof it. I was supposed to marry a nice Orthodox boy and become a stay-at-home mom.”

“I remember you telling me.”

“Yeah. But I never told you half the reason I started dating you was to piss off my parents.”

“What?” He stared, open-mouthed.

She grimaced. “I liked you when we met. You were handsome and funny and popular. All of my feelings for you then, they werereal. I don’t mean to imply otherwise. But in the back of my mind, I knew it would piss them off. I knew they wouldn’t approve.”

“And you liked that?”

“I did. It was hard, you know? Walking the line between being observant and being myself. And sometimes I pushed back.”

“By dating me,” he said and his tone was joking but it didn’t really feel very funny at the moment.

“Yes.”

“They never liked me much, did they?” he asked ruefully.

“No. But I loved you, you know that right?”

He nodded, because he’d never doubted that.

“But the longer we dated, the more I started to have doubts if we were right for each other. I think if my parents hadn’t pushed so hard to keep me from marrying you, I might have called off the wedding.”

“Fuck,” he whispered, because he’d never seen that coming.

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