God, was he a selfish asshole or what? And apparently, he hadn’t learned his lesson.

Not that it was the same, but Jesse had blown him earlier and he hadn’t even gotten Jesse off. Sure, they hadn’t had much time, but was Connor really gonna leave Jesse hanging for the rest of this road trip? Talk about selfish.

And yeah, Connor didn’t want to risk anyone finding out. He had more than enough pressure on him already. But Jesse was a lot more careful than Connor gave him credit for.

The whole thing with the cherry lifesavers had been clever. Jesse might be a lot of things, but he wassmart. And even when he didn’t agree with Connor, he’d looked out for him. So why was Connor always leaping to the conclusion that Jesse was careless?

Okay, so, yes, maybe there was some history there to back that up. But it did seem like he’d settled down a little since he’d been in Boston.

But even before then, he’d been so good for the Fisher Cats during the playoffs. So clutch when they needed that most.

An idea started to form itself in Connor’s head. It almost seemed like Jesse responded well to responsibility. Did he get reckless and chaotic when there was no structure? When there were no expectations placed on him? Clearly, Jesse wascapableof self-discipline and team commitment under the right circumstances.

Then again, he wouldn’t have made it to the NHL if he wasn’t.

Connor was gonna have to findotherways to help Jesse going forward. It was a shame goaltenders couldn’t be assistant captains, because, honestly, from what he’d seen, Jesse would be perfect in that role.

He was sociable and friendly, good at drawing in the quieter guys and getting them to loosen up and feel like they belonged. Hell, Connor had watched him argue with the linesman during a pre-season game, advocating for Tanner, when they’d tried to call a bullshit penalty on him.

Maybe there was something to that then.

Sure, he couldn’t wear the A on his sweater officially, but maybe Connor could find a way for him to step into the role unofficially. Not everyone in a leadership role in the locker room had to officially be granted a title.

“You okay? You’re quiet tonight,” Graham asked quietly, elbowing him in the ribs. The waitstaff cleared the table of the plates from the salad Connor had hardly noticed he was eating.

“Oh, sorry,” Connor said. “Just thinking about things.”

“Missing the kids?”

Connor nodded, because that was always there, even when he wasn’t actively thinking about it. “Yeah. It’s tough. And it’s a lot tougher since the divorce.”

“Oh, you’re divorced?” Dakota said after they got their entrees. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

Connor nodded, reaching for his knife and fork. The steelhead trout, wild rice, and sauteed vegetables he’d ordered looked great.

“Yeah, thanks. It was tough on the kids.” Him too but, whatever, he’d survive.

“What about you?” Graham asked. “Are you married, Dakota?”

He didn’t wear a ring, but that didn’t necessarily mean anything.

“I’m not.” Dakota looked down at his butternut squash ravioli. “I’m actually, uh, gay.”

Connor frowned. “Doesn’t mean you couldn’t be married. My brother—Kelly—he married his boyfriend Anders last summer.”

“True. Look, I didn’t mean anything by it. That was my very unsubtle way of coming out. I never know how to slide it into conversation without making it weird.”

Connor laughed. “You’re fine. And you’re welcome here, you know that right?”

Dakota hesitated. “I assumed,” he said after a moment. “What with Racine being gay and all. Plus, Jesse and Tanner are bi, right?”

And me,Connor thought, but Jesse was the only one in the organization who knew the truth. He felt a flash of guilt. He wondered how many guys like Dakota hesitated to work for a franchise or sign with a team, not knowing how they’d be received.

Fuck. Connor should talk to Kelly. Not about being bi or anything, but about how to tell the hockey community that Boston was a place they could feel safe.

And really, it was better for the team.

Evanston and Toronto had made it clear there were plenty of talented guys out there who were LGBTQ+. And how many guys like Connor were out there still? Not straight, but not quite ready to be open.