Page 110 of Body Check

They’d spent the night here, then had a leisurely morning. They’d done some stretching and yoga together before Dakota cooked roasted vegetable omelets, hash browns, and whole grain toast. Gavin had looked highly skeptical about the vegetables at first but had seemed to enjoy everything once he tried them.

They’d been tangled together on the couch, half watching a movie, half talking about random topics before Gavin sat up and made that statement.

“Okay,” Dakota said warily. “About what?”

Conversations that started this way rarely seemed to end well and Dakota couldn’t imagine what Gavin needed to share.

“I, uh. I need to tell you about what happened the night Thad got arrested. Well, and everything that led up to it.”

Dakota frowned. Gavin had hinted there was more to the story, but he really couldn’t imagine what it was. He reached for the remote, muting the movie. There was really only one way to find out, wasn’t there?

Dakota arranged himself on the sofa, his back resting against one of the arms, his legs crossed. Gavin was seated at the other end, hands clasped tightly together, his body in profile to Dakota as he stared out the expansive windows, like he couldn’t even bear to look him in the eye.

“You know Thad and I are twins, but you don’t know we were named after our maternal grandfather andhistwin. Those two—they were inseparable until the first Thaddeus died in the Korean War. His brother, Gavin … he never really recovered. He died of a heart attack shortly after my mother was born. She always said he died of a broken heart.”

Gavin looked down at his hands. “She wanted us to be like them, I think.”

Dakota frowned because why would anyone want their children to emulate such a sad story? But he didn’t say anything, afraid to break the spell.

Gavin needed to unburden himself.

“We don’t look as much alike anymore, but when we were little, everyone thought Thad and I were identical. Our mom, she dressed us in the same clothing, had our hair cut the same.When we were little, we didn’t care. We had fun pranking people who couldn’t tell us apart.” Gavin’s lips lifted in a small smile, like the memory was a good one.

“Everything I did, Thad wanted to do. I wanted to learn to skate, so Thad did too. I wanted to play hockey, so Thad played hockey. But the older we got, the more I started to pull away. I—it wasn’t that I didn’t love my brother.” Gavin’s voice sounded anguished. “I did. I just wanted my own identity, you know? I didn’t want to be some stand-in for our grandfather or exactly like my twin. I wanted to beme.”

“Of course,” Dakota said softly. “That’s totally understandable. It’s natural for kids to want that. It’s healthy.”

He had vivid memories of when Violet had tried to do the same. Not for the same reasons, but she too had experimented with her identity. At first, Dakota had felt left out and left behind, until he understood why.

“Thad, he—he took it hard. He didn’t like it, thought I was pulling away. We used to get into these knock-down, drag-out fights.”

Gavin’s voice went raw. “He’d get somadat me. I kept trying to tell him in a way he’d understand, in a way that would make him see I wasn’t rejecting him, I just needed to know who I was, independent of him.”

“I get that,” Dakota said softly.

“Well, he didn’t.” There was a bitter twist to Gavin’s lips. “Toward the end of high school, I started making new friends. They were the kind of kids who … who had tough home lives, I think. Kids with chips on their shoulders and a fuck-you attitude. They were different from the hockey buddies Thad andI had. From our teammates. Rougher around the edges. Sure, hockey players drank and some of them even smoked but these guys were … they were into a lot of other things too. Drugs. Petty crime. That sort of thing.”

Gavin sighed. “So I started going to parties and clubs too. I did some drugs. Fucked a lot of guys.” His mouth twisted. “One night, I got home from partying, and I was still high. I reeked of God knows what and I crawled in the window of our room to find Thad still up. He was pissed. We got in an argument. He told me—he told me I was going to ruin my life.”

Gavin’s knuckles were white where he had his hands clenched together.

“He told me I was going to ruin my hockey career. That I’d end up a criminal and go to jail.”

Gavin laughed hollowly, tipping his head back to stare at the ceiling. “Fuck, I wish I’d listened to him.”

Dakota frowned.

“We got drafted the summer we turned eighteen and graduated from high school. That day—that moment—I’ll never forget it. We got drafted to different teams.” Gavin dragged in a ragged breath.

“We—Thad wasn’t as good of a player as I was. I feel arrogant saying it but it was true. He worked hard. Harder than I ever did, let’s be honest. But he—he didn’t quite have the same talent or instinct.”

Dakota nodded.

“But we—we were lethal together on the power play. Thad and I never really had that mental connection people always say twinshave. But on the ice … I knew him, you know? I could hear the way he skated, the way he breathed. He was my brother—” Gavin’s voice cracked. “I knew him on the ice without ever having to see him. Teams might have drafted him lower on his own, but together we were—we were an asset they wanted.”

Gavin breathed harder, his back rising and falling with deep, ragged breaths.

“We got in a fight a few weeks before the draft. I—I told him I didn’t want to play together. I thought if we were drafted by the same team, lived in the same city, I’d never have the chance to be myself. Figure out who the fuck I was. Thad never knew. But as the draft day got closer and closer, I felt more and more guilty about it. I regretted it. I wanted to take the words back.”

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