Page 114 of Body Check

“That my family would forgive me.”

“Oh.”

“After I got the position in Concord, Thad was out of prison, and my life was on track again … I thought maybe if I reached out, they’d … maybe they’d be ready to forgive me, you know?”

“They didn’t?”

“No. They’d moved away, changed their numbers, but I was able to track them down again with the help of a PI. When I called, they hung up on me. I tried writing a letter, but they mailed it back to me, unopened.”

“Damn,” Dakota whispered.

“So, I gave up.”

“Yeah, I get that.”

“They’ve forgiven Thad but—but I guess they’re never going to forgive me,” Gavin said hollowly.

“And you still feel guilty.”

“Yeah.” Gavin looked down at their clasped hands. “I suppose I always will.”

“Do you think maybethat’swhy you go so hard all the time? Like, you’re punishing yourself?”

Gavin shrugged. “It’s possible. I’vealwaysbeen like this though. Ever since I was a kid. Whatever I do, I want to do it as fully and intensely as I can.”

“Fair enough.”

“But you might be right too,” Gavin said thoughtfully. “I don’t know. I’ll have to think about it.”

“I understandwhyyou feel guilty,” Dakota said softly. “But don’t you think it’s time to really sit down and talk to Thad about it? Clear the air, once and for all?”

“Probably.” Gavin sighed.

“Would you like me to help you?”

“Would you?” Gavin looked up, studying Dakota’s face.

Dakota nodded. “Of course. And, if it helps, I have some experience with … with complicated family situations. When Violet came out—our parents weren’t supportive. They didn’t understand her or what it meant to be trans. I was pissed at them at first—and rightly so because no matter what they should have supported her—but I eventually realized maybe there was a way I could help them understand.”

Gavin nodded.

“Violet—she didn’tneedto take on anything else. She was just trying to live her life, you know? But I could be a bridge between them. I could do the hard workforher. And it took time, but they got there. Not in time to see Violet and Jeff get married, but in plenty of time to meet their first grandchildren.”

“That’s something.”

“It is.”

“And we all have regrets, especially my parents. But—but better late than never, right?”

“True.”

“So, I’m not pushing you to do this, Gavin. I don’t want us to have that kind of relationship. I don’t want to tell you what to do any more than I want you ordering me around. But I’m offeringto help if you decide you want it. If you want to reconcile with your brother and you want my help, I’ll do my best.”

“Yeah,” Gavin said hoarsely. “I’d like that.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes before Gavin released a shuddering breath.

“How do you feel?” Dakota asked, sliding closer.

---