Page 134 of Body Check

“If I could go back,” Gavin continued, “I would. I’d take it all back. I’d stop you from ever having to be in a position where you had to protect me. Like you had to lie to cover for me.”

“I would have doneanythingto protect you,” Thad said softly. “I didn’t want you to ruin your life.”

“Instead, I ruined yours.” Gavin closed his eyes, pained as he let himself imagine all the ways this could have gone differently. All the ways he could have done better. All the ways he’d failed.

“Well, you know, I’m doing okay now, I guess,” Thad said, looking down at his hands. “I’ve got a place to live and a pretty great job thanks to you.”

“Are you happy here?” Gavin pressed. “In Boston and with the Harriers?”

Thad shrugged. “I’m notunhappy.”

That wasn’t really a ringing endorsement.

“Tell me what I can do,” Gavin said earnestly. “How can I fix this?”

“There’s no fixing it,” Thad said with a shrug. “It is what it is.”

“Yeah, but I need to—to make thisright,” he pressed. “To apologize for you feeling like you had to go to prison for me.”

“I don’t want you to apologize for that!” Thad said, glancing up, his eyes flashing pure frustration. “Goddamn it, Gavin. You never fuckinglistento me. You didn’t then and you still aren’t, you asshole.”

“I’m listening!” he protested.

But out of the corner of his eye, he caught a glimpse of Dakota’s raised eyebrow and took a deep breath. “What am I nothearing?” he asked more softly.

“WhyI’m actually pissed at you,” Thad said. “It’s not that I went to prison. That was my goddamn choice.”

“Is it because I squandered my shot at the NHL?”

Thad sighed. “Well, I would have been happier if you’d had a solid playing career, but no, that’s not it either. You’re obviously doing what you’re meant to do, however you got here.”

“I don’t understand then.”

“God, you’re so fucking dense you drive me crazy,” Thad muttered. “I’m pissed you weren’t there for me while I was in prison, you asshole!”

“What?” Gavin blinked. “I …”

Thad closed his eyes. “Youdisappeared. You acted like you were ashamed of me.”

“I was ashamed of myself!”

For a moment, they both froze.

“What?” Thad asked hoarsely.

“I was ashamed that all of the choices I made led to you being there,” Gavin admitted, tone turning gruff. “How could I look you in the eye, knowing it was all my fault?”

“You—arrghh.” Thad clenched his fist. “God, I could fucking punch you, you dickwad. I didn’t fucking care whose fault it was. I just wanted my brother.”

His voice broke at the end and tears stung Gavin’s eyes. “Was it—was it awful?” he asked thickly.

Thad shrugged. “Pine Grove wasn’t as fucking nice as its name implies, that’s for damn sure.”

“It was a facility for young adult offenders, right?”

“Yeah. It’s supposed to be for young men from like, sixteen to twenty-five, but sometimes older guys ended up there too. But it’s—it’s fucking maximum security, Gav. Even if Ihadactually gone to the electronics store to rob someone, there were no weapons involved. It wasn’t a felony. It was a non-violent crime. Do you knowwhyI ended up in maximum security?”

“I—I have no idea,” Gavin admitted. He’d never really thought about that.

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