Page 80 of Body Check

“And have you?”

“I’m getting there. It’s slow going. I’ve still got a lot of debt to pay off but I’m chipping away at it and I like working for the team. I finally do feel like I’m where I’m supposed to be in my life at least. So that’s something.”

“It is,” Gavin agreed.

He wanted to look Dakota in the eye, but he wasn’t sure if he’d welcome it, or pull away completely so he held him close.

“What about you?” Dakota asked after a while. “I know there was some shit online about your divorce, but I never really know how accurate that stuff is.”

Gavin winced, the sound of the hockey game playing in the background the only noise in the apartment as he considered how to answer.

“I didn’t snoop much,” Dakota said hastily. “It came up when I was searching for stuff on the Harriers. Trying to figure out if this was a place I’d feel comfortable working, you know?”

“Yeah, I get that,” Gavin said. “Honestly, it’s fine.”

He really didn’t want to talk about Rory right now but maybe if he let himself get a little vulnerable too, that would make Dakota feel like things were a little more even.

Clearly, that had been a problem for him before.

After an experience like that, no wonder he was prickly and reluctant to trust anyone.

“Rory used me,” Gavin admitted. He laughed softly. “Honestly, I’ve never really said that part aloud before. I kept it vague when people asked. Said we’d ‘grown apart’. But the truth was, he fuckingusedme.”

“In what way?”

“Well, financially, for one. He, uh, he wanted to be arm candy. A pretty boy toy to a guy with a lot of money. And well, he got that. I gave him that life on a silver fucking platter.” Gavin’s tone was bitter.

“He didn’t love you?” Dakota sounded appalled.

He settled a hand on Gavin’s thigh and the weight of it was nice. Anchoring.

“Honestly, I don’t know,” Gavin admitted. His voice came out a little raw because he’d contemplated that a lot and he still wasn’t sure. “Maybe in his own way? But I think in the end, he had a goal and he set his sights on me, and that was that. I don’t think falling in love was his …primarygoal, so to speak.”

“Shit.”

“I mean, to each his own, I guess. But I—I did love him. Madly. I was so fucking smitten with him. He seemed so perfect, you know? He was young and handsome and he didn’t have any huge ambitions for his life. He was perfectly fine being a supportive spouse to my career. And that was appealing at the time, becausefuck, you know what our schedules are like.”

“I do.” Dakota smoothed his thumb along Gavin’s thigh. “Yeah, I really do. And you have a hell of a lot more pressure on you than I do.”

“And Rory—he made it easy. He had his own friends and he went out and had fun with them when I was gone. And when I was home, he was there and the sex was—well, it was intense, to say the least.”

“He enjoyed your big dick energy?” Dakota teased.

“Yeah, you could say that,” Gavin agreed with a wry smile. Because goddamn had Rory begged for it. “We were so fucking compatible in bed and on paper that I kinda—I kinda missed the fact that it didn’t ever go deeper. Itfeltdeeper, on my end at least, but I guess I was deluding myself about our marriage.”

“Damn, I’m sorry.” Dakota squeezed his arm.

“Thanks.” Gavin dragged a hand over his face, then returned to playing with Dakota’s hair. “It sucked. It really fucking sucked, you know? And I think there’s a place for a transactional relationship. I don’t give a shit what other people do. If you both want that, if it works for you, fucking go for it.”

“But Rory wasn’t upfront about it,” Dakota said.

“No, he wasn’t. It wasn’t like it was something weagreedto. And maybe it was me being naïve, thinking a guy like him would actually want me for me.”

“Hey, no.” Dakota propped himself up on one elbow, looking Gavin in the eye, his hair a wild halo around his head. “Don’t be ridiculous. You’re handsome, you’re incredible in bed, and you seem like a genuinely good guy. Whowouldn’twant that?”

Oh, a lot of people,Gavin thought wryly, but he shrugged.

“No, I’m serious.” Dakota frowned at him and it made such a funny contrast to the ridiculous look of his hair that Gavin fought back a smile. “Rory was the asshole here.”

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