Page 97 of Body Check

Gavin’s breath caught. “When I was in my teens, I did something monumentally stupid, and it fucked up my life and Thad’s. And that of our parents. And there’s no going back from it. There’s no undoing it. And I don’t know how to fix it, or how to make the shame of what I did ever go away and so … so I tried to build this life that would somehow … cover for that, I guess?”

Dakota nodded, his brows drawn together.

“I have the high-powered job and the condo and the car and the lifestyle that told everyone I was a success and not a failure.But I”—he licked his lips—“I feel like a failure sometimes. Sometimes I still feel like that guy who was a draft bust. Who never amounted to anything as a player.”

“Gavin,” Dakota said thickly.

But Gavin kept going, because if he didn’t get this out, he never would. “And Rory was a piece of that success. He wasproofof my success. I had it all. I had the career and the wealth and the gorgeous husband and I was a success, damn it!”

Dakota squeezed his fingers tightly.

“Last night as I stared up at the ugly ceiling tiles in the emergency room, all I could think about was the fact that you were the one waiting for me. You were the only one who cared—” Gavin’s voice cracked, and he couldn’t continue.

“Gavin,” Dakota said, sliding closer, tangling their legs together. “Hey. I was the only one whoknewabout it. Of course I was the only one who was there for you.”

“Yeah, but who else do I have?” Gavin whispered.

Dakota shook his head. “The team loves you. Everyone in theorganizationdoes too. They would all rally around you if you needed them to.”

Gavin closed his eyes. “Not if they knew the truth about what happened.”

“Idon’t know the truth,” Dakota said, his voice soft. “But I don’t need to. You’re a good man, I know you are.”

“And a man who doesn’t have a single fucking person who loves him.”

The words came out as a whisper, and Gavin wanted to take them back the moment they left his mouth. He regretted them immediately and he opened his mouth to say he didn’t mean it but Dakota spoke first.

“If your brother didn’t love you, he wouldn’t have come to you when he needed a job.”

Gavin sighed, letting go of Dakota’s hand and rolling onto his back. The ceiling of his condo bedroom was nicer than the one in the emergency room—there weren’t the industrial ceiling tiles and fluorescent lights for one—but it brought him right back to the thoughts he’d had last night.

“I’m not so sure about that,” Gavin admitted. “I think, when it comes down to it, Thad knew he had me backed into a corner. I had to give him the job, or risk everyone finding out what I’d done.”

Dakota scooted closer again, resting a hand on Gavin’s chest. “Maybe that was part of it, but I don’t think that’s all of it,” Dakota said softly.

Gavin turned to look at him and a little pang appeared in his chest that had nothing to do with the PVCs that had scared him shitless and made him question his mortality. Hislife.

“No, maybe not,” Gavin slowly admitted, thinking about how appalled Thad had sounded at the idea he would have threatened Gavin. He’d been offended by the idea of actually going through with it. But he hadn’t been aboveactinglike he would.

“So maybe that’s something you can work on,” Dakota coaxed.

“Maybe,” Gavin said.

“I get that you’re scared right now,” Dakota said. “About your future and where you are in your life. But I can’t be a bandage, Gavin.”

“Hey, I know,” Gavin protested. “I’m not asking you to be. I don’t want another relationship like I had with Rory.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Gavin said firmly. “I need to make some changes in my life. I know that. Both for my health and for, well, my happiness.”

“Okay,” Dakota said slowly. “And you think I could make you happy?”

“I know my life has been better since Thanksgiving when we started talking,” Gavin admitted. “And before you tell me it’s because of the orgasms, that’s not it. Or at least not all of it.”

Dakota gave him a faint smile.

“I like the way you challenge me,” he whispered. “I like that I feel … I like that the tightly wound spot in the center of my chest eases when you’re around. I like the way your calm, peaceful demeanor softens that internal restlessness I can never quite shake. I like that you make me laugh more, and that I have something to look forward to when we make plans. I’ve liked getting to know you better.”

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