Page 55 of Open Water

He is going to go home and get drunk. Tomorrow is Saturday, so he will sleep all day, then by Sunday, he will be over this. On Sunday, he will go for an extra-long run and clean the flat and sort out his lesson plans and go back to being responsible and reasonable.

And dull. Dull and boring. A coward.

Lukas Myrtengren is a coward. Because he just stands there on the stone steps and stares at the figure walking up the drive. He looks tired. Carrying two shopping bags and a rucksack. Walking slower than he probably should.

Tom looks drained. Exhausted. Probably straight off a night shift, then he’s gone and done the weekly shop on his way home, which would kill anyone. Lukas can’t stand it. And now, Tom is dragging himself home to collapse into bed for a few hours, whilst Lukas stands there like some lovesick stalker.

He hasn’t seen him yet, and Lukas probably has a few seconds of a window to disappear. He can probably throw himself around the corner. Hide until Tom has gone inside, and then, sneak off home. Safe. For now.

But he is tired. He is so tired of running. He is tired. Tired of it all. He is just as tired as Tom who has dropped one of the shopping bags on the ground. He just stands there. Staring at Lukas like he’s some burglar or something.

He looks terrified. And something in Lukas has snapped because Lukas can’t do a thing. His stomach is heaving. His chest is on fire. And there are sobs brewing in his throat that he probably won’t be able to stop.

“Hi.” That’s all Tom says.

LUKAS

Tom’s voice is surprisingly calm.

He takes a few steps forward and lets the other shopping bag fall to the ground with a dull thud, then stops.

He’s about a meter away. Not too close. Not crowding. Non-threatening. Just looking at Lukas the way he does. Like he’s sad. But not. Like he is calm, whilst his insides are probably raging like a hurricane.

Lukas knows that feeling well, because he is ready to throw up.

“Did you mean it?” he croaks out. Because what else can he say?

“Every word,” Tom says back. He’s still so calm. How can he be so fucking calm?

“No, no… The thing you said on the beach. You know?” Lukas stops and tugs at his hair. Fuck. He takes his snapback off his head. Puts it back on. His hands diving deep into his pockets. “I don’t know what I’m doing…” he almost whispers. “I don’t know why I’m here.”

He shrugs his shoulders. Swallows loudly. Tries to breathe.

“I said a lot of things to you on that beach,” Tom says, finally showing some kind of nerves. Because his hands are shaking. Fiddling nervously with the keys that he digs out of his pocket.

“You said you would love me until the day that you died.”

It sounds pathetic and childish coming from Lukas, and he regrets saying it the second the words have left his mouth. Like it’s something he is quoting from a dirty romance or something. When in reality, the words are making Lukas want to curl in on himself and for the ground to swallow him up. Right here and now.

So, they just stand there. Lukas looking straight at him. He doesn’t know how he does it, but somehow it grounds him. The fact that Tom’s eyes don’t waver. That he looks back. Trying to calm them both.

“Lukas,” he finally says, and takes a tentative step forward. His head cocked to the side.

“This will never work. You have to see that? You and me. How the fuck will this work?” Lukas is almost shouting now. Trying to get some of this damn frustration out of his system.

Then, there is a hand on the side of his neck. And another on his shoulder. And Tom is too close.

Too close.

There’s hot breath on his face. Eyes right in front of his own. His breath hurting his ribs with the intensity his lungs are trying to pump oxygen into his blood.

“It will work. If you want it to,” Tom whispers. “Because I will never hurt you. Iwilllove you until the day I fucking die. Even my son has told me to say that to you. Said it was romantic as fuck.”

He’s smiling. The damn fucker is smiling. And Lukas thinks he manages a little smirk too.

“You said it to me before. You told me when I was falling asleep, that time at the beach. You whispered it, said you would love me until the day that you died. I have never forgotten. Pathetic. I know.”

And here come the tears. Right on cue. Like he isn’t already fucking this up.

---