Page 76 of Open Water

His whole body is shaking as he waves his bank card over the taxi driver’s card machine, nodding only as he grabs his bags from the boot.

Then, he has to stop and let himself breathe.

The house looks just like he remembers it. A freaking ugly 70s box-build that his parents would have found modern and hip, but now, it just screams dull and boring. Yet, to Lukas, it screams home. He’s only been here once, but the gravel under his feet sounds welcoming as he takes the steps up to the door in two giant strides, stopping outside to take a deep breath. Leaning his head against the cool wood hoping he is not making a massive mistake, turning up here unannounced. Well maybe not. He was invited. He thinks. Fuck. Turning up without replying first is probably rude, but whatever. Lukas has wasted time. He doesn’t want to waste another second.

He yanks the door open without ringing the doorbell, hangs his pathetic looking set of shirts on the hat rack by the front door and toes his shoes off, letting his bag hit the floor with a thump.

And there he is. Tom. Hair in a mess, wearing just a t-shirt and boxers. Standing in front of him with a look on his face of shock. Like he can’t believe Lukas is here. Again. Turning up unannounced as usual, like a prick, but he can’t help himself.

“I made a mistake,” Lukas says, sounding much calmer than he feels.

“A mistake?” Tom questions. But he is smiling. He is so fucking cute when he smiles.

“Yeah. I don’t want to take things slow. I don’t want to anymore.”

“So… you brought… a lot of shirts?” Tom nods to the hangers. And Lukas just shrugs his shoulders.

“Yeah? I’m shit at ironing. Thought you could show me how it’s done?”

“Ironing?” Now Tom is smirking. Trying to look serious when Lukas can tell he is desperate to smile. Desperate to just lunge at him, but he is holding back.

“Yeah? You sounded like you needed help with the lawn. So, I thought you can do my ironing and I will sort out your lawn. I’m pretty good with a lawn mower.”

“Lukas…” Tom is clearly begging here. Taking a tentative step forward, as Lukas’s chest just heaves with emotions.

“Look, I don’t want slow and steady. I just want to be here with you and be happy. I have been bloody miserable all week trying to figure it all out, but I can’t figure shit out without you and all I want to do is to go and lie down in bed with you and sleep… like we did last Friday.”

He takes a deep breath. He doesn’t dare to look at Tom, who is now far too close. Arms all around him. And suddenly, Lukas’s face is in Tom’s neck and he is hugging back and it’s good. It’s so bloody good.

“Then stay,” Tom says.

And all Lukas can do is nod.

LUKAS

“I forgot my toothbrush,” Lukas says, feeling rather silly standing in the bathroom with just that. Nothing.

“You sure you don’t want anything to eat?” Tom calls from the kitchen where he is pottering about. Looking all flustered no doubt. Because they have kind of been making out in the hallway for the last fifteen minutes, until Tom has to push away and go catch his breath claiming he needs to unload the dishwasher.

Ridiculous, he knows that, but to be honest, he was about to come in his pants himself and he wants more than that. And the whole sex bit scares the living daylights out of him, because he has no idea what Tom expects to happen. He doesn’t know what he expects to happen himself. Honestly.

“Nah, I’m good,” Lukas replies. Wondering if it would be okay to use Tom’s toothbrush. Whichever that one is, because there are three toothbrushes thrown on the side of the sink and using one of the boys would be wrong. Well, he assumes the other two belong to the boys.

“You can use mine, the yellow one,” Tom calls back. Oh. Okay. So, he does. Brushes vigorously until he feels a little more human. Has a quiet piss in the toilet with the door securely closed behind him, wondering what he’s supposed to do now.

The kitchen light is off, and the hallway dark, just a small light from the living room where Max is face down on the sofa, obviously exhausted.

“He won’t go to bed until Matteo is back. It’s some new thing he’s got into his head, that he can’t sleep properly if he’s on his own in bed.”

Makes sense,Lukas thinks, letting himself lean into Tom who is now standing right behind him.

“Come up to bed, I made us coffee. Decaf.” Tom’s lips kisses his neck. Just a tiny peck, but it makes Lukas almost weak at the knees. Like it’s almost too much. Too much anticipation. Too much fucking love-shite scary fantasies swirling around in his head.

He follows Tom like a lost sheep, not daring to look at the arse walking up the stairs in front of him. He’s gorgeous, even though the boxers he’s wearing have obviously seen better days and the t-shirt is some washed out concert memorabilia from the nineties, advertising a band Lukas hasn’t even heard of.

In a way it’s comforting, the way Tom doesn’t give a rat’s arse about what he wears. Lukas kind of tries to remember what he is wearing under his jeans, hoping for God’s sake that it’s not the grey pair with the hole under the elastic. Or those weird orange ones that he keeps meaning to throw away despite them being super comfy.

The room looks different in the night time, the bedside light is on and the bed a mess of crumpled up sheets.

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