Page 27 of Baking Battles

It’s far too early. He knows that by the clock projecting on the ceiling, and the ache in his bones. Far too early. He curls into himself, reaching out for Emi as by instinct, only for his hand to pad around a cold empty bed.

There is also the fact, he realises, once his eyes have adjusted to the dark, that the door to the bedroom is closed, which is something he never does, and the light seeping through from underneath it carries the sound of the TV and muffled laughter.

He doesn’t know what to think of it all, as he stumbles out into the living room, looking like some kind of deranged morning monster, his hair on end, and his mouth tasting of crap. But there they are, all snuggled up on the sofa, Christopher barely covered by the purple unicorn blanket and Emi pointing at the tv and shouting “Puppy! Puppy!!”

“I hope we didn’t wake you.” Christopher smiles.

Like this is normal. Like his baby daughter should be up at, what is it? Six in the morning? Looking perfectly happy, and Christopher has put socks on her little feet, and there is a plate on the coffee table with perfectly cut-up fruit, and little pieces of bread crusts lingering on the side like Emi does when she eats. Christopher obviously knows his way around a two-year-old, and Emi still hasn’t acknowledged him standing there, tugging at his hair with a ridiculous smile on his face.

“What are you watching, baby Emi?” He starts, sitting carefully down on the sofa next to them as Christopher reaches out and pats him on the shoulder. Like to calm him down. Like to say,“This is fine. I’ve got this. And I’ve even cut the grapes up lengthways just like the childcare websites recommend.”

“Clistopler more kitty cats. Emi watch kitty cat do bleaurhgughahg.” She looks expectantly at Christopher, who laughs like she is the funniest thing in the world.

“That was disgusting Emi. No more vomiting kittens.”

“Yes, Emi watch kitty!!”

“What are you showing her?” Mattias laughs as Christopher taps away at his phone, effortlessly streaming the video to the screen with a flick of his hand.

“Funniest animal videos on YouTube. My niece is obsessed with it. There are some good ones on Vine too, otherwise Daily Motion is great for kids’ stuff.”

“My two-year-old is watching… YouTube.” Mattias says, sounding resigned.

“It’s educational.” Christopher laughs, just as a poor kitten coughs up a furball on the screen, and Emi erupts into laughter. “Again, again,again!!!”

“What about the doggy that fell into the water? Shall we show Daddy that one?”

“Kitty!!! More kitty!!” Emi shrieks, and climbs all over Christopher as he reloads the video and presses play.

“What does Emi usually watch?” Christopher looks bemused as Mattias squirms.

“I’ve got all these educational videos, Math adventures. Baby Einstein. Spanish. Baby sign language.” Mattias feels stupid, almost embarrassed. Trying to justify himself when there is really no need to. “Some of them are really fun.”

“So, I have totally corrupted your kid. Awesome.” Christopher beams.

“Yup.” Mattias throws himself back on the sofa and Emi pats him absentmindedly on his tummy.

“Daddadadaddad!”

“I would have made you an espresso, but I wasn’t sure how to work your machine. It’s very slick and high tech, and I couldn’t seem to find the right button.”

“It’s six in the morning, Christopher.”

“It is, indeed, grumpy, but Emi and I are up, and we have kind of bonded, and it’s almost Christmas, so we thought we would kind of have a cosy morning chill out. Let you sleep in. You need to buy some candles for your table here, because that would make it super cosy. What do you think, Emi? Shall Uncle Christopher go and get some candles for Mattias and Emi? As a present?”

“Present!!” Emi claps her hands. “Advnent presents. Daddy you said Emi presents. Lots of presents.”

“Advent, it’s Advent, not Advnent. And yes, baby, Daddy is going to get you an age-appropriate educational Advent calendar with little presents that you can open every day.” Mattias nods. He’s a good Dad. Honestly. And he needs coffee.

“Emi, Daddy is going to get you a great Advent calendar with some really cool stuff, but Uncle Christopher knows where you can buy chocolate Advent calendars. If you are a good girl then maybe Uncle Christopher will get you one.”

“Sara will have your head on a plate.” Mattias sighs. “She won’t let Emi have refined sugar.”

“Well, we can’t have that, can we, Emi. It’s Christmas, and Christmas is all about breaking the rules and having fun. “Christopher does a little smirk. “I’m supposed to say that in the intro today.”

“Damn!” Mattias shrieks. “I need to fix my recipes. Oh fuck, I had totally forgotten.”

He rushes into the kitchen as Christopher’s laughter rings out through the apartment.

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