Page 16 of Ship of Fools

“Who do you think I am?” I mock shout. “I’m a car mechanic, not some… Kirstie Allsopp kind of homely person. I don’t have candles. I’m like my mum. I would forget I lit them and burn the flat down.”

“Did your mum burn your house down?” He says dramatically. “Poor you. Was that before or after you ended up in jail, then you redeemed yourself and built your car business from scratch. Wait, did you learn all about mechanics in jail?”

“You have watched too many bad Netflix movies.” I laugh. “And you are insane.”

“Nope. We are still doing this fantasy thing. It’s my idea of an ideal Christmas. I have set the scene and now we are freezing cold, my car is fucked, and… ohhh!”

I’m clearly hallucinating, as he starts undressing himself, pulling his jumper over his head and letting it drop to the floor.

“Stop!” I shout.

“Do we need a safe word?” He says and drops his jeans, stepping out of them, leaving him standing in the dark, wearing nothing but socks and boxers, I can see that much in the dull light from the streetlights outside the windows. “My safe word is stop. Just stop. If I say stop, I mean it. Okay?”

“Your safe word is... stop. Right. And exactly why would we need a safe word?”

“Just in case, you know. Tell me what you’re into. What do you want? What turns you on? What goes on in those fantasies, the ones that I’m in? What do you do to me?”

He smiles. Winks. Plays with the hem of his boxers.

I shake my head. Sigh. I don’t know what to say. There is nothing I can tell him without me sounding like a man who should be in jail. Because some of my fantasies are just that. Fantasies. And in some of them? I don’t know.

“Idon’tknow…I don’t know what I want right now.” That’s what I say, and for once my whole body agrees. I’m feeling faint, panicked, full of laughter and terrified, all at the same time. And my cock once again reminds me that I have an unfortunate boner going on down below. God help me.

Andreas

His hand is warm as I reach out and pull him off the sofa. His body is hot against my bare skin as well, because he’s hugged me before, so I think a hug will be safe, so I dive straight in there, wrapping my arms around his neck like a warm little clingy monkey.A good plan, I decide, as his hand rubs my back, and his breath is warm against my nakedness, because, yeah.

Okay. I need to step back, because I am impulsive and weird, and next thing I’ll be bent over the sofa whilst he rips me in half with his monster dick.

I have no idea if he has a monster dick.

“In my fantasies, you have a monster dick.” I giggle.

“You fantasise... about me?” He stutters out, his mouth somewhere near my ear.

“I do now.” I laugh, because this? “This is hot.”

“You are so bloody beautiful, it makes my head spin.” He whispers. “I don’t know what to do with you. I don’t know if I want to throw you out and shout at you, or put you in my bed and never let you leave.”

“Both of those seem like creepy options. I would much prefer if you took all your clothes off and got into bed with me. That's what I had planned... in this... you know, roleplay fantasy thing we were doing.”

“You want to be naked in bed with me? I thought this wasn’t a hookup.”

I lean back so I can grab his junk, and he jumps a mile. Probably not the best of my impulsive ideas here, but what can I do?

“You have an impressive boner going on, and I’m getting cold. We should definitely get naked in bed. Just to cuddle. And if you get uncomfortable with that monster dick of yours, we could do something about it. If not? It’s fine, Luca. This is not a hookup. I am staying the night, and I don’t care what you say.”

“You’re staying the night?”

“My imaginary car is fucked in this imaginary snowstorm, and I can’t think of anything nicer than waking up tomorrow morning in your bed with a nice cup of tea and a cuddle. I haven’t got a gift for you, but I can pick something up tomorrow. I mean... Have you got plans? For tomorrow?”

I haven’t even asked. My head is going at three hundred miles an hour, and I’m talking too much and saying stupid things. This is who I am. This is what I do. This is what I’m like with men I pick up and suddenly I realise that I have learned... absolutely nothing.

“I need to see my family,” he mumbles, with obvious discomfort in his tone. “We have gifts to open and all that. My dad’s cooking lunch.” He’s squirming with his hands on my hips, and I’m shivering, despite the room being nice and warm. It’s dark, and that in a way is good, because the darkness gives me time to calm down. Think. Breathe.

“I could come with you, if you want me to, or I can just fuck off home. It’s your call.” That’s nice and adult. Sensible. I mentally high five myself as he leans over and places a kiss on my shoulder. In the dark. Something that sends crazy shivers down my spine. Not a bad, crazy shivers, may I add. The crazy shivers that are good. I like it. “Do that again.” I whisper.

“What?” he whispers back. Apparently now we are whispering.

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