Page 27 of Ship of Fools

“You graduated? Got a good job and you are doing well. You are also kind of stunning, and you know, your body is flawless, your mouth is a menace, and you are the cutest thing ever. I think I’m bloody lucky you are even considering me for the boyfriend job.”

“It’s not a job, being with me is a complete lifestyle.” I giggle.

“So, you…”

“When I first discovered sex, I thought I would like topping as much as bottoming.” I start. Way to go Andreas. I’m embarrassed I even went along with the whole family conversation. Bringing up the past is never good. So instead I talk about sex. Much safer.

“But you didn’t?” He doesn’t look surprised. I suppose I wasn’t either.

“All that work and it’s messy and awkward and not very dignified. I’d rather just lay back and enjoy the ride.” I smirk.

“Connor hated penetration.” He says, looking pained at his choice of words. “He always said I was hurting him, that I was too big, and too rough, and he preferred if he could just blow me and go to sleep. I thought, well, I didn’t know what I was doing. I suppose he was probably right. Twenty-one-year-old me had no fucking clue.”

“Practice makes perfect.” I say softly. “Fuck Connor.”

“Fuck it.” He spits. “Enough therapy for now.” Then he smiles. “We’re here, shall we go and see my sister? If they’ll let us?”

I laugh out loud, because we are both so bloody absurd. “We’re sitting here talking about sex, when it’s Christmas morning, and your sister has just had a baby. Sorry, I get carried away. It’s not often I find someone I can talk about things like that with. It’s not like I can sit down in the staff room with Laura from accounts and discuss lube, and the advantage of a heavier butt plug.

“Whatarethe advantages of a heavier butt plug?” He says across the car roof as we step out in the bleak winter weather, a harsh wind threatening to blow us away as I slam the car door shut.

“Training your anal muscles. It’s extremely important to keep your anal muscles well-trained.” I say with a serious face, as he reaches out for my hand, and walks me towards the Maternity entrance.

We smile. Giggle like kids. Smile again as he kisses my cheek before we enter through the doors.

Luca

I see my mum, and I have to bite my cheek not to burst into tears again. How many times have I cried in the last twenty-four hours? Well, way to go Luca, and I think I win all the awards for most awkward introduction of your mother to your new boyfriend. I shiver even thinking the word out loud in my head. Boyfriend. What the hell am I doing? But Mum shrieks and grabs Andreas, and kisses his cheeks the way my Nonna kisses everyone. She suddenly feels more Italian than any of us, despite not having a single drop of Italian blood in her veins.

I suppose I understand her better now, having grown up a little bit from when I was a teen, and everything was embarrassing and stupid. My mother had a horrible upbringing, and she learnt from a young age to fend for herself. She also learned to fight or flight, and to adaptlike a chameleon, sometimes being timid and shy, and other times being the heart and soul of the party. I met my maternal grandmother a few times when I was a child. Awkward encounters, where Mum kept us behind her at all times, and told us to be quiet. Her mother was an imposing stern woman with a violent streak. Her father? She never knew him, and was told not to ask.

I remember the funeral, where my Mother buried her only living relative. Mum didn’t shed a single tear, and I remember wondering why. I understand now. I know more of the story, and I think I understand how she functions, how she has brought us up to always feel safe and protected, whatever the circumstances. She nursed me through the years after Connor, the years I now look back at with bewildered confusion. She let me hurt, as I scared the living daylights out of her, and then I hurt even more. Yet, she told me to let it take its course, and that one day I would look back and wonder why I ever let anyone hurt me that bad. I can see the point now, as I look at Andreas chatting excitedly with my mum, making her laugh and holding her hands as he giggles about something she says.

I’ve completely zoned out watching them, my chest feeling tight with all kinds of anxious thoughts.

“Where’s Bea?” I say, interrupting their chatter.

“Oh, she’s good. She lost some blood, and needed stitches, but that’s all under control. Anna was amazing, she was with her all the time. Dad and I sat out here in the waiting room, they would only allow one person in, how crazy is that? But then Bea didn’t want us there anyway, she said she only wanted Anna. The baby is beautiful, you’ll see. Oh my god, he’s perfect.”

“Of course, the baby is perfect, Mum, but weren’t you and Dad supposed to stay at home?”

“Oh, darling, we couldn’t stay at home, we had to be here. I’m a granny, how crazy is that? I’m too young to be a granny. Oh, darling, where is that nice nurse? Let’s tell her that Bea needs to see her brother.”

“They won’t let us in.” I say, the pessimist, as always, as Andreas follows my mother who is charging for the reception desk with determination in her step. She must be exhausted, and I have no idea where my dad is. Or Anna.

So, I stand there and check the million messages on my phone to figure my life out. Dad has taken Anna home. She’s gone to bed. Dad has put the oven on for the meat. I’m supposed to cook it, well, after I bring Mum home from the hospital, see the new baby, check that Bea has food and drink, and…

I can barely get my head around that. Nor can I grasp the fact that Andreas Mitchell is giggling away with my mother, talking excitedly with his hands, and the nurse behind the desk? Apparently, his new best friend.

“Luca, Luca!” He shouts across the empty waiting area. “Come meet Francine, she’s Arthur Benning’s daughter.”

Who?I feel like asking as I shake Francine’s hand. Whoever she is.

“Arthur has that big farm out on Hill Road, the one with the huge storage sheds. He collects vintage Bentleys, and I have had the honour of being shown round his collection. I will take you one day. They are absolutely beautiful.”

Francine blushes, and I join her, squirming slightly as Andreas takes my hand.

“Luca is my boyfriend. He’s the best with cars. He’s Don Germano’s son.”

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