Page 15 of Exhale

“With a cat,” I said, strangely grinning. Or perhaps it was just my burning lips. I felt insane. I felt out of control. I was a fool. An epic fool. “I have nobody to feed him, and I’m hoping Jamie will let me stay…for the weekend. I don’t know. I kind of foolishly invited myself over, but—”

“Stay,” Kizzy insisted. “Olive, Leo’s having a sleepover with Jamie. That’ll be fun, won’t it?”

“And Hulkie too. Hulkie, are you having a sleepover?” Olive cooed over my cat, who looked as if he was staying even if I wasn’t. Or was I? I honestly didn’t know what was going on at this point.

Kizzy giggled, still holding onto my hand. “I hope you and I can be friends, perhaps even that I can be some kind of support to you. And I honestly hope you won’t mind me talking to Jamie all the time. He’s my best friend. I can’t think of anything worse than him finding a partner who won’t let me be part of his life. We’re family, and I hope we always will be.”

“He loves you,” I said, hoping I wasn’t speaking out of turn, especially with the little sister in the room.

“I know, and I love him too. But he loves you differently, and you need to remember that. There’s so much love in that boy’s heart, you’re incredibly lucky to have found him, because he will make you happy. I know he will.”

“Because I’m a good egg?” I asked with another grin. It was a strange, old-fashioned expression, but I kind of liked it.

“The best!” She smiled. Then the front door opened, followed by cheers, laughter and banging as the kitchen filled with people—a bunch of smiling men who greeted me with handshakes and pats on the back as I stood up and gave my name. They hugged and kissed Kizzy, one of them lifting Olive off the floor to swing her up on his hip, even though she was clearly far too grown up to be carried like that. The one called Luke was a different version of Jamie, and the younger one, Toby, had his brother’s chin and curls. They were all gorgeous creatures who shared Jamie’s smile except the blonde one with the man bun, who looked strangely familiar, even though I couldn’t place where I’d seen him before. I figured he had to be Ryan, Luke’s partner.

“You’re the famous Leo then,” Luke said, smiling at me with Olive still perched on his hip.

“Suppose,” I replied weakly. I didn’t know where to look or what to say. I felt so out of place and awkward with my half-drunk tea in my hand. Caffeine made me sick, and my body was already protesting. Fuck everything. Over and over.

“Welcome to the family.” Luke sat himself down at the table, letting Olive crawl into his lap. “I promise, we’re all super nice. Apart from grumpy Olive here.” That earned him a thump from his little sister. Playful swats that he fought with kisses on her cheek. “But mate, yeah, we’re good people. Shout if you need something and make yourself at home. If you use the last of the milk, just grab another bottle from the corner shop. And most importantly, don’t let Olive trick you into buying her sweets.”

“I like sweets.” Olive pouted. “Ryan always lets me have sweets.”

“I don’t!” Ryan said, and I realised he had Hulk in his arms. A content, happy Hulk, and if I wasn’t mistaken, the traitorous cat was purring as Ryan gently scratched his neck. “Love this cat. You can stay, mate.”

“His name is Hulk,” I said.

“Like in the Marvel films,” Olive filled in, jumping up to help spoil my cat. He rarely purred for me. Now, though? He was almost as loud as Olive. “I think we should get him a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend. We should have another cat, and we can name it Harley Quinn.”

“Seriously?” Luke laughed. “We can barely look after ourselves, Olive, and we’re going to have two cats?”

“Well, we now have a cat! We have a pet!” Olive squealed, gently taking Hulk out of Ryan’s arms. “I have a pet! I have a pet!” She sang as Luke just grinned at me.

“What have you done, Leo? You realise you’ll have to move in now? Olive will never let you take that cat away from her.”

“She can be my cat sitter,” I joked. These people—they were strangely…fine. Perhaps? I was caught in a fragile bubble of acceptance, waiting for it to burst. Things had gone far too well, and my mind was still struggling to process all those words playing on a loop in my head.

There was laughter and chatter, polite conversation and curious stares. I downed the last of my tea, hoping I could borrow the toilet to try to calm my nerves, at the same time willing Hulk would behave and not make a run for some hiding place where I wouldn’t be able to find him if I had to leave in a rush. Like, if Jamie came back and things became too awkward to deal with. There was a vibe in the air I couldn’t shift, a fear in my chest threatening to overwhelm me.

And then the door swung open again, and there he was.

He was just as beautiful as I remembered, despite his dirty T-shirt and utility work shorts. There was a speck of oil on his cheek and dirt under his nails. His hair was bundled into a messy ponytail.

My heart was beating faster than I could handle. He just stood there, staring at me like he was looking at a ghost. His bottom lip was quivering, though, and his hands wouldn’t keep still.

“Babe,” Kizzy said and then gasped when Jamie, my poor Jamie, burst into tears. He took a few awkward steps towards me and fell to his knees, burying his face in my lap with his arms around my waist. Long, drawn-out sobs echoed around the room as everyone cleared out, leaving me with my hands tangled in his hair, my fingers trembling against his scalp as my eyes filled with stupid tears.

“Jamie?” I said softly. “I’m so sorry. I just wanted to see you.”

That was not what I’d planned to say. I’d scripted a speech on my way here, harsh words full of ultimatums and threats. I’d wanted him to make good on all those things he’d so carelessly promised me, and I was going to sternly negotiate commitments. Yet now I was here, I didn’t care anymore. I wanted this. Him with his head in my lap and me leaning over so I could smell his hair, his tears seeping through my joggers while his body did little awkward hiccups against my legs, and I realised the truth of Kizzy’s words. I recognised this feeling of being stuck in a hole, dug in by your own fragile thoughts. I knew how he felt, because my hole was right here, next to his, and I needed to get us both back on the surface, back on terra firma so we could start over on level ground.

I could hear talking from the room next door, small bursts of laughter mixed with Olive’s excited shrieks. I had no idea where my cat was, but I hoped Kizzy had it all under control. It was funny how I was already seeing her as a friend, my jealousy and rage seeping away as Jamie looked up at me, all tears and blush and honesty.

“I’m sorry. I was a little overwhelmed to find you here. I thought about asking you to come, and then I bloody chickened out. Thought you’d think I was coming on too strong or something. I mean, I just…”

“Three weeks, Jamie.” I smiled. “It’s been three bloody weeks.”

“I know. I bloody know, and it’s been hell. I started doubted every fucking thing in my head. I thought you… I don’t know what I’m doing, and I got so freaking scared.”

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