Page 52 of Forever Not Yours

Not yet.

First things first. I kicked the door open with my foot, balancing the mugs in one hand and a glass of water in the other. Jake liked water with his tea. Weirdo.

“We’re going to talk,” I said. Wow. Good opener.

He must have thought the same, because he got up from where he was lying on his stomach. At least he’d ditched the scrubs and changed into his loungewear: that soft T-shirt, joggers, scruff on his chin, Flossie bunched up in his arms.

“She likes you,” I said like this was all a normal evening.

“Of course she does. I let her have cheese.”

“Fridge tax,” I muttered.

“What?”

“Every time you open the fridge, you have to pay Flossie fridge tax. In cheese. Them’s the rules.”

Jake was so handsome, he truly was. I’d always thought so, even looking all grumpy and conflicted and trying so hard not to smile when he was clearly butt-hurt. I didn’t mean that in a snarky way, but he was. And it was my fault, and now I would have to eat bloody humble pie galore.

“Tea,” I said.

“Thank you.” He accepted the mug and the water, placing the glass on the side while I made myself comfortable, sitting cross-legged on the bed next to him, still in my bloody suit slacks and tie.

Then he looked at me, like he had expectations. So did Flossie, obviously taking his side here, the traitor that she was.

“I don’t know where to start,” I admitted weakly, having lost all that earlier bravado. “But I didn’t…I didn’t do anything stupid today. Well, apart from that I thought I’d refilled my pump, but the syringe from this morning was still on the kitchen counter. And then I obviously ate and stuffed biscuits down my gob, and then when I thought I could walk it off, I went hypo because I’m a fucking idiot.”

“Not gonna give you a lecture on that one.”

I loved when he finally smiled. It made me happy.

“I’ve been diabetic most of my life, I know better than this. I have to sharpen up, I know that. And I know you have a lot of questions.”

“Yup.”

He was still pissed off, no doubt about that. Drinking that tea and swallowing it down like it was poison.

“I…I’ve never wanted to be…like…this.”

“But you are. You fucking are.”

Jake could be snarky and mean when he was in that mood—exactly this mood.

“No excuse, but you know what my parents are like with me. They’re so bloody overprotective, and I can’t go home without my dad constantly checking that I’m still alive. There was always so much wrong with me when I was younger, and I didn’t want to add this one as well. They’ve had enough to deal with.”

“Being gay is not a disease, Bastien.”

Oh, so was that what we were talking about? Another rush of blood to my face. I had no idea why I stillbehaved like this, why everything made me feel like a child. I’d meant the fact that I wasn’t coping well, and that my levels were all over the place, and that… I suppose yes. I was not marrying Juliet, and I liked cock. Fuck.

“I bloody know that, but Mum and Dad—they would see it as another thing they had to add to their list of worries.”

“So admit you are and that you hid it.”

“No. I didn’t. I just decided not to…you know? And anyway, I like women too, so it’s not like I’ve been living a lie and all that. It’s just… Fuck. I never talk about this because I can’t even explain it to myself.”

“You grow up and you figure things out.”

Yes, Jake. You do. I was trying so hard here, but he kept interrupting me.

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