Page 80 of Beyond the Stroke

Any hope of stuffing Big Dill back into my bag unnoticed is foiled when I see he’s covered in sand. Sand and silicone aren’t a good combo. But that’s what you get from the garage floor of ahouse located on the beach. So, I do what must be done and wrap one hand around Big Dill, then vigorously move it up and down the length to dust the sand off him.

I turn to find Rory watching me, that curious grin of his splashed across his face.

“Is that?—”

“Yes, Flipper. It’s my vibrator.”

His lips quirk. “It’s a pickle.”

“I like pickles, remember?”

“I can see that.”

I stop the jerking motion I was using to sweep the sand off Big Dill and swipe my hand against my leg to release the excess sand.

Rory takes the vibrator from my hand and examines it. He clicks it on and pushes the settings button, switching it between the different types of pulses. I’m cool as a cucumber watching Rory explore the toy I use to masturbate with. Yup, I refuse to acknowledge the way my pulse thrums at the sight of his long fingers handling Big Dill because it’s totally normal to have my new fake husband examining my vibrator.

“Shouldn’t it be bigger?” he asks, with focused concentration on my pickle vibrator.

Rory’s hands make Big Dill look more like a little gherkin. But that’s fine because where I’m concerned Big Dill’s specialty isn’t penetration, it’s clitoral stimulation.

“Trust me. Big Dill gets the job done.”

“Big Dill?” Rory’s smile widens and his eyes crinkle with amusement, like they know all my secrets. “Summer…that’s?—”

I refuse to be embarrassed. Big Dill is hilarious, and makes me happy, in more ways than one.

My ex never treated my pleasure like it mattered. I refuse to let myfakehusband do the same.

“It’s what?” I snap, a little too sharply. Old wounds rise to the surface before I can stop them.

My relationship with Tripp left me feeling unwanted. Undesirable.

With him, intimacy was always on his terms. I felt like a toy—something he could use—but never truly seen. Most of my attempts to show affection were brushed off, met with irritation, or outright rejection. At first, I blamed bad timing. Then, I learned he controlled everything, and I internalized the idea that his needs mattered more than mine.

His ties to my parents only made it worse. They wanted it to work, so if it wasn’t, clearly I was the problem.Ihad to fix it. But you can’t fix a one-sided relationship.

I know I’m not undesirable but the safest way to avoid repeating that pain is to keep my guard up. Keep my needs private. Take care of myself. With the help of Big Dill, of course.

“It’s normal.” I mutter. “I have needs. You have needs. Everyone has needs. Ugh, why am I even explaining this to you?”

Rory shakes his head, a soft smile playing on his lips.

Those full, firm lips.

Focus, Summer.

“You don’t have to explain,” he says. “I get it. Self-care is important.”

It takes a moment for me to comprehend his words. To hear that he understands me and he’s not making fun of me. I’m used to everything I do causing a fight, because with my ex, it did.

But Rory isn’t fighting with me. In fact, the way he’s looking at me with equal parts curiosity and amusement, and a smoldering look that’s so fucking hot I think my body is going to burst into flames is confusing me.

As I stare up at Rory’s handsome face, I start to question my ‘no sex’ rule. My brain does me a solid and reminds me:Hey, remember? You’re bad at intimacy. And sex.

Right.

Tripp told us so.

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