Page 11 of Someone Save My Midlife Tonight

It didn’t work.

While I loved and respected everyone in the room, it was Gideon who I trusted most of all. If he didn’t want thisregularImmortal around our daughter, then I didn’t either. However, if the man was possibly on his way here with Charlie, I needed more intel.

“Name?” I demanded.

“Candy Vargo,” Candy answered.

“Oh my God,” I muttered. “There are two of you?”

“Wait. What?” she asked confused.

Tim to the rescue. “Daisy wasn’t askingyourname. She wants to know the name of the man Charlie is after.”

“Why didn’t you say so?” she demanded, rolling her eyes at me. “His name is CurseWord Ritchie.”

“Curse Word Ritchie?” I questioned. Who in the hell would be named that? It sounded like a joke.

“It’s actually Shitty Ritchie,” Heather explained with a shudder. “Since Candy isn’t swearing anymore, she changed it up a little.”

“Can anyone get hold of Charlie and tell him to stop searching?” I asked. I had no clue how Shitty Ritchie could get my daughter to talk, but I didn’t want to find out.

The Immortals in the room exchanged glances. No one looked positive. June was as pale as Gram. Charlie was her husband.

“Doubtful,” Tim finally said. “Shitty Ritchie is usually far off the grid. It’s unlikely that we could reach Charlie by conventional methods or magical means.”

“Will Charlie be okay?” June asked. Her voice trembled, and I felt sick to my stomach. I’d been living in this Immortal world for a short time, all things considered, and it was still difficult for me to accept and understand the deadly games that were played. It was impossible for June to comprehend, and we were being awful by subjecting her to it.

“Charlie is gonna be just fine, June,” Candy assured her. “Ain’t nobody that can take that man down. Nobody.”

June nodded and swiped at a tear. My need for fresh air had increased tenfold. We were in enough trouble without inviting more in.

“Fine. If Shitty Ritchie shows up, he’ll leave… by force if necessary. Period.”

“Good luck with that, nardhole,” Candy muttered.

I ignored her. “There are other ways,” I insisted. “Heather, you were looking at the Immortal Book of Laws. Did you find anything?” It was a reach, but no questions were stupid rightnow. My motto for life danced in my frontal lobe—nothing is impossible. I just had to believe.

My sister sighed as she handed Alana Catherine back to Gideon. “The Higher Power has broken multiple laws. Laws that It created. However, I’m not sure how we can enforce punishment.”

“The punishment for what It has done is death,” Tim said slowly. “That would destroy everything. The balance would be skewed and the end would come.”

“How in the hell are there no checks and balances system in this shitshow?” I hissed.

“Shartshow,” Candy corrected me.

I almost electrocuted her. Instead, I inhaled and pinched my weenus. Sadly, neither method of relaxation worked. “Fine,” I ground out. “Shartshow. And it is a shartshow. I can’t believe that Armageddon hasn’t already arrived with the egotistical magical nard we have running the show.”

“Magical nard is a good one,” Candy Vargo said, patting my back.

Again, I wanted to set her on fire. Again, I refrained. That would be stupid and mean. I was neither of those things. However, I was worried. And that I could partially solve. “I think that moving June, Amelia, Missy and Jennifer over to Candy Vargo’s place is a good plan for safety. I’d like to get Alana Catherine out of here, but I’m not letting her out of my sight.”

“Hang on a hot sec,” Jennifer said. “Can I add a thought to this conversation?”

“You can,” I told her. My dear human friend was overloaded with Botox and wine, but she was street smart and generally logical except when it came to all ofher ex-husbands.

“Just sue It,” she said. “It did the crime, and now, Its gotta pay the time.”

I sucked my bottom lip into my mouth and considered what she’d just said. It was crazy, but… “Can we do that?” I asked the assembled group. It was clear that offing the Higher Power wasn’t on the table, but making It pay for Its crimes would be insanely satisfying and might keep It from getting out of hand in the future. I was positive I was being naïve, but no one else seemed to have a solution.

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