Page 22 of Someone Save My Midlife Tonight

“Noooooooooah,” he said, sounding a little frantic. “Twoooooooah. Nuuummmbeeeeer twoooooooah.”

I glanced around the circle of my nearest and dearest. No one had any clue that the ghost was trying to tell us. I wastempted to hug him and do a mind dive so we could truly communicate, but I was pressed for time at the moment. Because I was a good southern gal, I nodded at Jimmy George Carrots and smiled.

He seemed satisfied.

Charlie scratched his head. “I think wishes are an excellent way to go at this.” His gaze landed on Candy. “Can you repair the house enough so we have shelter to sleep?”

“Can do,” she replied with a thumbs up. “I will say that crazy titty nard really did a number on it. But I got me some ideas how to improve it!”

That made me gulp. Candy Vargo’s sense of aesthetics was kind of lacking.

“HEY,” Shitty Ritchie whined from right outside the protection ward I’d dropped.

Everyone jumped. Candy Vargo actually screamed.

“Oh my god,” I shouted as my heart raced like a jackhammer in my chest. “How did he get out?”

Gideon growled and immediately stepped in front of Charlie, who still held Alana Catherine. Clapping my hands, I dissolved the ward around us. If Shitty Ritchie was about to go tornado on us again, we needed to get the hell out of here.

“Run!” Heather commanded.

She didn’t have to ask twice. We took off like bats out of hell.

“Where we goin’?” Candy Vargo yelled.

“As far as we can get from the freak,” Heather yelled back.

We didn’t get too far. Shitty Ritchie was running right alongside us.

“WAIT,” the miniature menace shrieked. “I will play nice.”

“Don’t believe him,” Gideon groundout as he scooped Alana Catherine out of Charlie’s hands while we were running at least sixty miles an hour. “Keep moving.”

“Nonononononono!” Alana Catherine babbled as she levitated out of Gideon’s arms. “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Gideon’s wings flapped as he darted into the night sky to grab her. The Grim Reaper was fast. Our daughter was faster.

My child waved her chubby little hands in a circular motion. Our forward trajectory was immediately halted. It was as if we’d hit a wall. Everyone went flying backwards. We landed in a heap on the ground with Alana Catherine floating in the air above us. Her giggle calmed my soul, but the fact that she was hanging by nothing in the air about twenty feet up, almost made me pass out.

“Itty Ritty stay!” she sang, doing flips.

Gram, Mr. Jackson and Jimmy George Carrots darted up to her and created a ghostly hand basket to catch her if she fell. I was sure that wasn’t going to work, but the thought was lovely. Charlie, Gabe, Rafe, Tory and Prue were the first to disentangle themselves from the pile. Gabe’s downy white wings exploded from his back, and he flew to his niece. Gideon was with him.

Alana Catherine again held out her chubby, little hands. “Itty Ritty stay,” she insisted.

I closed my eyes and a weak laugh escaped my lips. Her first word was dada, her second was mama, and her third was Shitty Ritchie.

“Who has their hand up my ass,” Candy Vargo yelled from underneath me in the pile.

“I think it’s my foot,” Tim grunted. “I apologize for where it may have landed. I shall endeavor to remove it posthaste.”

“CAN’T BREATHE,” Shitty Ritchie squeaked from the very bottom of the stockpile of Immortals.

“Everyone, up. Now,” I insisted. “Nard ass has fangs.”

I didn’t have to say another word. The pile dispersed so fast there was a sharp wind.

As soon as we were all on our feet, Alana Catherine floated down and settled herself in my arms. Gideon was next to me so fast I didn’t see him move.

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