Page 3 of Someone Save My Midlife Tonight

“I’ve got this, Mom,” she said with a smile. “Hang on. We’re going home.”

The great roomin my home looked exactly the same as when we left it. What wasn’t the same was me. I would never be the same again after that trip. I was so grateful to be back home surrounded by the people I loved and who loved me back. It felt as if we’d been gone for years.

It had only been a day.

Gram was a ghost again, and my beautiful daughter was a baby. Explaining what had happened was going to take a hot minute, and I was exhausted. Alana Catherine slept soundly in my arms. Part of me would miss the badass version of my daughter. But she’d get there again in twenty years. I was going to enjoy every second of her precious life until then.

Gideon looked as if he’d aged a few centuries, but since he was older than dirt, he was still beautiful to me, even with his bloodshot eyes and drained expression.

“Here’s the fuckin’ deal,” Candy Vargo said, taking over.

I’d really missed her. I couldn’t wait until she heard about Gram’s new and horrifying vocabulary. They both were going to need some bathroom and soap time together.

“Daisy needs to sleep,” Candy went on. “None of us are goin’ nowhere. Mail boy, get the rest of the fuckers back here. We’ll debrief everybody at the same time.”

“On it,” Tim said, pulling out his cellphone.

“You’re okay? Really okay?” Gideonquestioned. He hadn’t stopped touching Alana Catherine and me since we’d arrived home.

The shocker was that our bodies had left the earthly plane when we went to the Higher Power’s realm. No one had expected that. When I dove into the minds of the dead, my body always stayed put. Gideon had lost his mind. He’d even called Cecily to suss out if that had happened with her. It had.

“I’m fine,” I promised. It wasn’t a lie. Being with my husband and my child was the only place I wanted to be.

“Umm… Daisy,” Tim said, pointing at my sleeping baby. “You might want to check that.”

I looked down and gasped. Alana Catherine’s eyes were still closed, but there was an angelic smile on her pink lips. She was glowing gold. Her small body grew warm, and she giggled in her sleep. One by one, the ghosts left their safe haven in the body of the future Soul Keeper. Sam, Birdie, John, Agnes, Sister Catherine and Steve hovered in the air above my miracle child. If I had a feather, I could have knocked Gideon over. He looked like he’d been hit by a truck. I’d explain later. I wasn’t about to miss the magic of what was about to go down.

Each of the dead kissed my daughter. After, they took turns kissing me. It felt so right. En masse, they floated toward the golden light that had appeared in the doorway. Silently and with smiles on their faces each went into the Light and faded away. Everyone was gone but one lone ghost. Steve. It didn’t surprise me. I secretly wished he’d stick around for a bit, but I knew he had to go. Steve wrapped his ghostly arms around me, Gideon and Alana Catherine.

“Love each other well,” he whispered. “I’ll love all three of you from afar. Thank you, Daisy, for saving me in so many ways. Thank you, Gideon, for saving Daisy. And you, little one,” he said, caressing Alana Catherine’s cheek. Her smilegrew wider as she slept. “You are so special. You will always be loved… from here and from the Light. Be the badass, little girl. We need you.”

With one last smile that warmed my heart, he floated into the Light. It was the second time I watched him leave me. The first time was hard. This time, it was glorious.

My baby slept through the entire scene. I wondered when all the skunks decided to come out how Gideon would react. We’d have to wait and see…

Glancing up, I winced. Jennifer, Mr. Jackson, Lura Belle, Dimple and Jolly Sue were watching the Game Show Channel. I was pretty sure I never wanted to see a freaking game show again for the rest of my years. Even Gram avoided the television. I hated that the High Power had soured her love for Bob Barker. Another reason to hate the petty Bitch with a capital B.

The TV went fuzzy and made a few popping sounds. Candy Vargo was instantly armed to the teeth. Charlie and Tim began glowing and ushered everyone away from the TV. Gideon’s eyes burned red, and he stood protectively in front of Alana Catherine and me.

The picture on the screen slowly came into focus. It took a minute to realize what we were looking at. Gram gasped and spewed out a litany of cuss words that made Candy Vargo almost pass out. It was so unexpected that Jennifer grabbed a bottle of wine and chugged it.

The faces of Bob Barker and Monty Hall filled the screen. It was an extreme close up and you could see every pore on their faces. It was grotesque.

“That ain’t Bob and Monty,” Gram hissed. “It’s Fake Bob and Fake Monty.”

“What the hell did you just say, Gram?” Candy Vargo asked, clearly concerned for Gram’s mental state.

“My fuckin’ bad,” Gram said, smacking herself in the forehead. Candy Vargo’s mouth hung open like a fish out of water. “It’s the Higher Power. Both of ‘em are.”

Everyone in the room thought Gram had gone and lost her mind. She had not.

“She’s correct,” I said flatly. “Turn it up. Let’s hear what the Asshole has to say.”

Tim did, and we waited.

The two talking heads spoke at the same time and in unison. It was eerie and wrong. “The abomination shall be destroyed. Don’t try to fight it. If you do, It will bring on the end.”

The screen faded to black.

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