Not because of the sex. No, that had been fucking amazing, and we’d happily kept it up all week. I’d fucked him a few more times. I also was so damn close to being able to take his entire dick in my mouth, and I was determined. I didn’t think I’d ever have the courage to let him knot my mouth entirely, butI wanted it to be so fucking close that it was possible. I’d also learned that Mahk had miracle-working fingers, as he had been stretching me open for days now. Since we didn’t have any of the magic lube from his world, Mahk had insisted on being extra thorough before I could take his cock. I wasn’t complaining. I had never come hands free before, but I had done it twice while Mahk had milked my prostate, and let’s just say . . . 10/10, highly recommended.
So yeah, sex was fucking awesome, but the awkwardness remained and it was entirely my fault. Mahk was stuck here, and I couldn’t even gather up the courage to explain to him why it was so hard for me to accept the mate bond. He’d explained it a little more as we’d lain wrapped up in each other on the old ass couch in the convenience store—that thing needed to be burned now, but luckily no one else used it. He needed to bite me, but it would only work if I wanted it too. I was glad orcs knew and cared about consent, but fuck, I almost wished he hadn’t given me a choice. Because I couldn’t get out of my damn head.
Mahk looked up at me, eyes filled with concern. For a moment, I was lost in the rich purple color. I wished he didn’t have to hide it, but also a selfish part of me was glad that only I saw this side of him, the real him.
“What’s the matter,lulekai? You're thinking very loudly.”
I snorted and pinched his bare, very firm ass. “I am not. I’ve got a lot on my mind.”
Mahk’s expression turned serious. He propped himself up on my chest. “Do you want to talk about it?”
No, but also . . . yes. Or well, not yes, but I had to. I was being a selfish fuck, and it wasn’t fair to Mahk.
“It’s about the mate bond.”
Mahk’s expression fell. “Oh.”
I smiled softly and ran my fingers through his hair. “Yeah, oh. I’m scared, Mahk.”
He frowned, his tusks curving inward. “Scared of what? I’d never hurt you.”
“I know, sweetheart. I have no doubts about that. I can’t grasp how it’s going to work. I can’t leave this world. Fuck, I don’t even know if I can visit. What if something happens to my mom or the kids and they have no way to reach me?”
To Mahk’s credit, he didn’t dismiss my concerns or tell me it would work out. He stayed very quiet for a moment and thought about it. “As much as I want you to visit my homeland and meet my brothers, I understand your worries and they’re valid. Human technology won’t work there. It is possible that someone can create something that will allow easier communication. Once I can get through the barrier, I’ll talk to some people I know who are more versed in that skill.”
That would be amazing actually. I still wouldn’t be comfortable with long visits, but having a way for my family to reach me would make short ones possible. Because I wanted to see Mahk’s home world. I wanted to know everything about him and his life.
“In the meantime,” Mahk continued, “we’d just stay here. My brothers will come get me if they need me, and I’d keep trips as short as I can.”
I sat up and dragged Mahk with me, so I was leaning with my back against the wall and he was resting his head on my chest. I tightened my arms around his middle, holding him there. Not that he was trying to escape. I could hear his contented sigh.
“That’s not fair to you, sweetheart. You shouldn’t be the only one compromising on everything.”
He shrugged. “This is one I am happy to make. I’m growing to like this world a lot, and I love your family. They need you. I understand that. And I need you. Whether our main home is here or my world matters very little to me as long as I can be with you.”
My heart was pounding in my chest. This man did so many fucking things to me. Sometimes the way he cared for me seemed less believable than the fact that he was a fucking orc. That was the thing I was having the hardest time wrapping my mind around. The connection was undeniable, but that he actually found me worth making those sacrifices for? It was almost more than I could bear.
The words were on the tip of my tongue.I love you. They’d been running around my thoughts since the night we’d first had sex. Just, every time I tried to say them out loud, I got all tongue-tied. Instead, I squeezed Mahk close and kissed the top of his head.
“What about your job?” I finally asked. I still didn’t understand everything about his realm, but being the royal assassin must come with responsibilities, right? I didn’t want Mahk to neglect them to make me happy.
Again, he shrugged. “If I’m needed, one of my brothers will send a messenger or come here themselves. They also both have human mates who may want to come home sometime. So, I am sure they will be happy to visit when they can. Especially Nash. It’s harder for Axum to be able to leave like that.”
Yeah, I was sure the emperor traveling realms was frowned upon. I tilted Mahk’s head up so I could stare into his eyes. “You mean all this? You really think it could work?”
“Yes to both your questions. I love you, Tanner. You are my mate, and I am willing to do anything to be with you. Besides, I feel like this is less of a sacrifice than you believe it to be. I love my brothers, but it was not like I spent every day with them. I sometimes went months between visits. This won’t be much different. Only now, I will have a whole family to spend time with and I will not be alone. I’ll have you.”
This fucker was gonna make me cry. He made everything seem so simple. Could it truly be that easy? Had I built it upin my head so much when what I’d felt were insurmountable mountains were tiny hills? Fuck. Maybe I was scared to commit. I believed Mahk. Believed everything he’d said about how he felt about me, but maybe there was still a tiny piece of me that worried he would one day wake up and realize the mistake he’d made by tying himself to a hot mess like me. Then he would resent me, and there would be nothing we could do about it. Once Mahk bit me, there was no turning back. It would be the two of us for the rest of our lifetimes.
Mahk ran his thumb across my thigh. “Whatever you’re thinking, it’s not true. I can feel the doubts and fears running through you. But you’re it for me, Tanner. I want this. I want you.”
I cleared my throat, choked up. Fuck, I wished I could turn off that doubt and just accept this. For both our sakes.
I opened my mouth to say . . . something. I didn’t know what, but I had to answer in some way, but before I could, my phone started to ring.
Every time it did, I had a split second of paranoid fear. It wasn’t logical. It was way more likely to be a spam call than anything else. Especially since I was home with Mom. Still, some of the worst moments of my life had begun with a phone call, and that wasn’t a fear I’d let go of easily. When I looked at the screen, I saw it was work. Which was unusual. I was employed by a fucking convenience store. It wasn’t exactly a call after-hours type of profession.
“Hello?”