Page 19 of Breathless

On her way out, a nurse handed her a surprisingly fancy diaper bag. She instantly wondered how much it was going to add to her bill.

This is not the time to be worried about money.

This was the perfect time to worry. About lots of things.

“There are all kinds of coupons for diapers and formula in there, as well as a pregnancy planner and a copy of What to Expect When You’re Expecting,” the nurse told her. “You can make your next appointment at the desk before you go.”

Wide-eyed, Fiona obediently made her next appointment and then headed to her car. She dropped the ultrasound images into the diaper bag and then shoved it into her trunk—where it would stay hidden until she could figure out what she was going to do—and headed for the pub. Her shift started in thirty minutes and Finn’s was twenty minutes away, so she needed to step on it.

Safely, now. Driving for two.

“Fuck a duck.”

God, what a mess, she groaned inwardly as she pulled out of the parking lot. She’d always tried to avoid those, and now she’d gotten herself into the most complicated tangle of them all.

Well, Wyatt had obviously played a role, but she owned her part in this karmic tragicomedy.

When he’d first started pursuing her, she’d let herself enjoy the chase. He was fun and easy to be around—a beautiful blond fireman who was as much a faker as she was. Pretending to be more arrogant and oblivious than he was, while noticing everything and everyone around him. The Wyatt Finn he showed to the world—the sexy, happy bachelor content to be his brother’s wingman—wasn’t the whole picture. He’d just been going through the motions for so long he’d forgotten. He tempted her to remind him.

The chemistry between them had been off the charts. She’d felt desire before, but there was something about him that made her react in a way she never imagined she could. He’d scrambled her brain and lit her body up like the fourth of July every time he came around.

So she flirted. And he flirted back. And all the while, Fiona assured herself it was harmless. She was new and different, and Wyatt would move on to someone else when he realized nothing was going to happen between them, because for the moment, she wanted to keep working at Finn’s.

Only he hadn’t moved on.

Instead, he’d listened to her. Watched her and watched over her. Guided people to her who needed advice, though they both knew it was a thinly veiled excuse to be around her. She’d given him hell for it, teased him about it, but it didn’t make a dent in that hard head of his. Even when she’d started spending more time with Thoreau, Wyatt Finn would not give up.

And if she were being honest, in her heart she hadn’t wanted him to.

She couldn’t pinpoint the moment things had changed. When she started feeling more for him than amusement and sexual attraction. As soon as she realized what was happening, she’d fought against it. She couldn’t be in love with him. Wyatt had stability and monogamy written all over him. And babies, though it had taken him a while to warm up to all the new miniature additions to his family.

Thoreau had been the perfect, cooler counterpoint to the fiery Wyatt. He knew himself in a way she couldn’t help but find appealing. She’d been drawn to his intellect, his gorgeous smile, and his openminded view of the world. He stimulated her mind and was easy on the eyes. Her feelings for the ambitious brewer had snuck up on her. One day he’d been the friend she couldn’t go more than a few hours without talking to or texting. Then, before she’d realized she was falling, it was already too late.

She’d always been open to experiencing a ménage—and open to expressing how open she was, just to see the look on people’s faces—but she’d honestly never expected to actually fall inlove with two men at the same time. That meant more than a long weekend for her memoirs. That meant mess. Complication. Probable heartbreak and misunderstandings. That wasn’t what she wanted her life to be about.

She’d wanted to spend her life learning and experiencing new things. Not tying herself to one person—or two— one job, one narrow slice of life instead of the whole pie.

You want. You want. You want. Only it’s not all about you anymore, is it?

Fiona sighed. When things with Wyatt kept getting harder, and things with Thoreau had gotten too intense to keep denying for Wyatt’s sake, she’d taken an opportunity to go back to California, using that time to do some serious soul-searching. She hadn’t been sure she would come back, no matter how miserable it made her to imagine staying away.

And then she’d gotten the news that made it all a million times more complicated.

A baby. Her baby.

Hers and Wyatt’s.

The baby meant her real reasons for being in California no longer mattered—not that she’d told Wyatt or Thoreau the truth about that either. They’d never understand.

She’d seen it now. The little peanut inside her that was part her and part Finn. And with that image came joy and terror, emotions so thick they threatened to choke her, filling her throat until she could barely breathe.

They wouldn’t understand. How could they?

She’d promised herself at thirteen that she would never, under any circumstances, get married and give up her freedom. That she’d never put faith in anything but herself. She’d never been tempted to change her mind on that score, but then she’d fallen for Wyatt and Thoreau. Two men who were both built for commitments and obligations and vows.

She couldn’t give them that. She couldn’t give anyone that. She couldn’t even conform or keep to a schedule long enough to get herself out of debt. With her degree, she could get a job that would solve her financial problems in short order, but she just couldn’t bring herself to give up the freedom to come and go as she pleased.

It was the same reason she’d always kept a bag packed and her passport up to date. In case she got the itch to move on or see something new. In case she needed to reinvent herself and start again, free and clear with a clean slate.

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