Page 137 of Lemon Crush

“He keeps his heart close and you wear yours on your sleeve. He’s a details man and you’re a dreamer. The only thing youhadin common was that neither of you thought you deserved good things, so you didn’t go after them. But maybe that’s changed now. For both of you.”

“I’m not sure if you’re saying you approve or not.”

Morgan frowned. “Who cares ifIapprove? It’s not any of my business, is it?”

“Did you just say something wasn’t your business?” I reached for my phone again. “Forget whimsy. Can I recordthatfor posterity?”

She ignored me. “I may have been a little upset initially, but only because I was the last to know. Which circles back around to it beingmy fault because I didn’t know how to talk to you.” She pushed a stray curl behind her ear and sighed. “For the record, I never did. You and Mom were always connected in a way I couldn’t be. You have that same wild imagination she did. You were both artistic and creative, continuously distracted by shiny objects. She believed in mermaids and you wrote about shapeshifters and witches. And you both loved musicals, which I willneverunderstand.”

“Please,” I scoffed. “You two were the iconic women goals I could never reach. You’re as driven as she was. Peerless in your fields. You were both unapologetic about taking what you wanted. And she always admired you. So much we had this thing we said whenever we weren’t sure about something. What Would Morgan Do? That’s how much you’ve always had your act together.”

“That’s what it is you know,” she surprised me by saying. “It’s all an act. I can organize and plan as much as I want to, but none of us ever really have it all together. Mom didn’t, and I certainly don’t.”

“Don’t lie to make me feel better.”

“It’s true. No matter how old we get, we still screw up and burn out and miss opportunities. We have good days. Good years, when we’re lucky. And then we go through pandemics and cancer scares. Lose the most important person in our lives or part of our roof to a bad storm. We call it winning if we survive and we keep moving forward, waiting for the next good day to come around.”

I pressed my shoulder to hers. “You sound really smart right now. Like a teacher or a wise, beautiful principal.”

“I’m trying to be serious,” she chided softly. “The only way I got through this year was by not thinking about Mom more than I had to until we could bring her home. Maybe it wasn’t healthy to push it all down, and I did worry about that occasionally, but it was the only way I could cope until it was time to leave. Then there was one evening on the cruise. I was on the balcony, holdingher journal while I looked at the stars and all that ocean. And in that moment, when I knew I’d done what I’d promised to do for her, I let myself feel it. All of it. When it was over and I’d stopped crying, I felt better. That was one of my good days.”

“I had the opposite problem. I couldn’t think about anything else.” Until Wade knocked on my door.

“I know. We kept missing each other, you and I. Hopefully we can change that now.”

“What did she say about me?” I asked quietly. “In the journals?”

Morgan took a shaky breath, obviously not expecting the question. “She said you were her unexpected gift, and that she’d never met a soul with a bigger heart. She felt protective of you, because you never learned how to hide it from people who could damage it, but she thought it meant you were destined for great things.”

It sounded like Mom, but I still narrowed my eyes until she added, “She also said you were a moody pain in the ass, and she wished you left the house and dated more often.” I snorted and she took my hand again. “People bitch in journals, August. In between the poetry, they bitch. She wasn’t perfect.”

I glanced over at the pink bicycle again, now sparkling in the sun, and thought about our precious little Sammy. “Was she sad about not being a grandmother?”

Morgan shook her head. “She was already everyone’s mother. And aunt. And sister. And best friend. The only thing she ever wanted was for all of us to be happy.”

“And for everyone to think we were five or ten years younger so they’d believe her when she lied about her age.”

Morgan’s shoulders started shaking at my words. “You know she once introduced me as her friend at a bar, and the man thought we were a couple.” She laughed out loud. “I went with it. Evengave her a little pinch on the butt to sell it to the guy so she could get her flirt on.”

The tears I’d been holding back slid down my cheeks and I laughed with her, because I could picture it perfectly.

Morgan’s smile dimmed slightly. “About the journals. She talked about her parents a little, in the older ones. You already know the story about the father who raised her knowing she wasn’t his, but…she didn’t have an easy time coming to terms with all of it. With them. I mean, I think she was born with that restless, creative spirit, but knowing the rest, I finally get some of what started her on her path, you know? What drove her to excel at everything. To be there for everyone. To never stop moving.”

“She had a great life, Morgan. She loved traveling.”

“Don’t get defensive; I know she loved it. What I’m trying to get at is that I also know you didn’t. Not always. You hated starting over at new schools.”

“I was shy, chunky and tripped over my own feet on a daily basis. Add constant new-kid hazing on top of it? Of course I didn’t like it.”

“Because it was Mom’s thing. You’re right, it worked for her and made her happy. Clean slates and new states solved all her woes. But for you, it might be different. If you found what you were looking for here, for example…? I think it would be okay to decide to stay. The truth about fresh starts is that you don’t have to travel anywhere to make one. We could try it right now, if you want to. With you and me.”

She was looking at our hands while I stared at her in wonder. Was she saying she didn’t want me to move away? That she wanted us to be closer, regardless?

“I think I’d like that.”

She nodded quickly and wiped the last of the wetness off her cheeks. “Good. We’re going to be okay, youknow.”

“I know.”

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