Page 80 of Lemon Crush

She squeezed my hand and spoke quietly into the darkness. “It sounds strange to say, because it’s a natural part of life, isn’t it? Parents dying before we do? But sometimes it feels like I’ve lost a physical part of my body. She’s always been there holding me up, and now she’s not. I keep waiting to get my balance back, to find a new normal. Then something like this happens and it knocks me flat on my ass again.”

Sam’s death had spun us all, but I knew it wasn’t the same. I didn’t want to imagine how I’d feel if anything ever happened to my sister or Phoebe.

“I barely remember my mom,” I started carefully. “Bernie was still a baby when she died and I wasn’t much older. There are still times when I wonder what she would think of me now. My decisions. How I live my life. You have over forty years of memories with Sam. It’s a gift, that time, but maybe it comes with a price. And you two were closer than most. As far as I know, the only time you were really separated was when she was married.”

“Dysfunctional and codependent are the words you’re looking for. I’m very familiar with them.” She didn’t sound offended. Just resigned. “One of the reasons I wanted to get this house was topay her back for all the times she supported me when I was in my struggling writer, barely-working-for-minimum-wage phase.”

“You did that. She was happy here. And whatever anyone wants to call your relationship, it worked for you both and you still loved each other at the end of the day. I think being loved like that has to be worth whatever pain comes after. Even if it ends up knocking you on your ass.”

Losing August after finally knowing what it felt like to touch her, talk to her and be myself around her? That would be a hard fucking fall.

She raised her free hand to swipe her eyes. Shit. Had I made her cry? “You’re very philosophical in the dark, Wade Hudson. But I wish you didn’t have to be so nice.”

“I’m not that nice.” I let her hand go to trace her arm with my fingers, loving her softness. The way she moved in closer, silently asking for more.

“You really are. And it’s not fair, because you’re already a gorgeous, mechanically gifted man with healthy family relationships and financial security. Honestly, I’m not sure how you’re single, other than the fact that you were recently homeless and you spend all your free time with Gene and his buddies.”

I huffed out a laugh. “Thathasput a crimp in my eligible-bachelor status.”

When she scooted closer and leaned her head on my shoulder, I took the opportunity to press my lips to her hair.

“Is that why you’re not interested in Lemons anymore?” she asked. “Because it’s affecting your love life?”

“I wasn’t that interested in racing before we started. It can’t be that hard to believe I’m less interested five years later.”

She scoffed and snuggled even closer, oblivious to what she was doing to me. “It is though. That’s like saying Morgan doesn’t like symmetry and filing cabinets. Wade not being into cars doesn’t compute.”

I managed a chuckle through my tight throat. “Working on cars does make up the majority of my life, sure. I like the challenge of fixing what’s broken, the way the parts come together to form the whole. But there are other things I’m interested in. More than interested in.”

“Like what?”

“Like you.”

She propped up on one elbow and placed her hand on my chest, looking sincerely confused. “Why?”

Why? “Is that a serious question or are you fishing for compliments?”

“I’m not sure you’ve noticed how deeply fucked up my life has been recently. The fact that I’m lying in bed with a man I’m desperate to sex up and talking about my mother’s ashes couldn’t have been your first clue. I mean, honestly. I should be surrounded by yellow caution tape.”

I wanted to interrupt but I could see she was on a roll.

“My sister thinks all my choices are questionable, my agent thinks I’m drinking a grief-and-perimenopause cocktail as a best-case scenario, and I’d rather watch other people experience things online than actually live a life. Even for a fling, I’m not the best bet because I might not be staying in?—”

I hooked a hand around her neck and pulled her in for a kiss before she could finish her sentence.

She moaned out a laugh, parting her lips greedily for mine. “Why do you keep interrupting me with your mouth?” she asked against my lips.

“Seemed like the right thing to do.” When she climbed on top of me, I groaned, grabbing her ass and grinding her against the hard ache of my erection. “Are you complaining? And what the hell isperimenopause?”

She wheezed out another chuckle while I bit her chin. “That’syour takeaway from everything I just said? I had to look it up after my doctor visit, but I wouldn’t recommend it for you.”

She rocked against me and my eyes rolled back in my head. Jesus, that felt good.

“Do you know how lucky you are to have a penis?”

“Feeling pretty lucky at the moment.”

“So am I.”

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