Page 11 of Love, Accidentally

‘I can always rely on you to tell it like it is,’ I tell her, joining in with her laughter before easing the conversation on to my real reason for calling. ‘Which is why I want to ask your advice.’

‘Sounds interesting. Go on.’

‘It’s about a man.’

‘A man, you say? Hold on. I need a wine top-up if we’re doing this.’ I hear her put down the phone and the distinctive noise of liquid being poured into a glass. Part of me would like to join her, but I’ve got to be up early in the morning and I definitely don’t want to be feeling groggy. ‘OK, I’m listening. Tell me about this man,’ she says when she picks the receiver back up.

‘It’s probably nothing,’ I tell her, before launching into a description of my two encounters with Luke.

‘I get why you’re a little reticent,’ she says once I’ve finished talking. ‘I’m sure it won’t be a surprise to learn that I’d have kicked him in the balls if he’d suggested that he was in any way better than me, but at least he realised he’d said the wrong thing straight away and apologised. Not many men would do that. So, if I can summarise, it seems that he’s definitely into you, you’re definitely into him physically but worried he might be a secret arsehole.’

‘That’s pretty much it,’ I agree. ‘I mean, he is good-looking and I do find his biceps very distracting.’ I decide not to tell her that he’s also featured in some rather graphic dreams that left me feeling distinctly hot and flustered.

‘Hmm. I think the men you’ve met through the apps recently have probably affected your judgement, but there’s no harm in being cautious. If I were you, I’d sit back and see what he does. He’s got your number, so he’ll text you if he’s keen. You’re holding all the cards at the moment because you’re not completely sure about him, so play that to your advantage. Maybe do the hard-to-get thing a little, but not too much. If this was a one-off aberration and he’s actually prime boyfriend material, you don’t want to scare him off.’

‘You’re sounding like Mum now,’ I tell her with a laugh. ‘Start going on about how long it’s been since my last relationship and how I’m not getting any younger and you could actually be her.’

‘Don’t,’ she groans. ‘She was on at me the other day about us conceiving a brother or sister for Isaac before I’m too old. I’m only thirty-two, for God’s sake! Now I come to think about it, you should definitely start dating this Luke guy. It will take her focus off me for a while.’

‘I’ll bear that in mind,’ I remark sarcastically. ‘Talking of men, how’s Greg?’

‘Greg who?’

‘Ha ha. Your husband Greg.’

‘Oh, him! No idea. He’s off at some pharmaceutical conference in Birmingham being terribly busy and important. He’s here so rarely I swear Isaac hasn’t a clue who he is. He pops home at the weekends to claim his marital rights and then poof, he’s gone again and it’s like he was never here.’

‘Oh, Tash. I’m sorry.’

‘Don’t be. It’s the wine talking and I’m probably being overdramatic. It just seems like he’s away a lot lately.’

‘Have you asked him about it?’

‘Yeah. He said it’s just because he’s got two important deals running side by side at the moment. He’s promised things will calm down once he’s landed them, and he’s even suggested that we could go on holiday when he gets his commission.’

‘That would be nice.’

‘Mm. I fancy somewhere all-inclusive, where the only decisions you have to make are what to eat and drink next. There’d need to be a crèche too, so we could dump the devil child in there. Anyway, enough of my griping. Are you working this weekend?’

‘Saturday, but not Sunday. Why?’

‘Just wondering whether we should go and visit the olds. It’s been a month, and Mum is starting to sound wistful when I talk to her.’

‘We could do. We’d need to check with the parasites to make sure they weren’t planning to be there at the same time. We don’t want to overwhelm them.’

‘I’ll call Brett and see what their plans are. You’re up for it in principle though?’

‘Sure.’

The fact that our parents divorced when Tash was fifteen and I was thirteen is not unusual, and neither is the fact that they’ve both remarried and we’re now part of a blended family. ‘Parasites’ is our affectionate term for our step-siblings, and one they use just as freely on us. What is unusual is the way it came about. Brett, his sister Maria and their parents were our next-door neighbours and, because we were all of a similar age, we used to play together a lot and were always round at each other’s houses. Indeed, I think Tash had a bit of a crush on Brett for a bit, but the stepbrother thing swiftly put an end to that.

Our four parents were also good friends, and barely a week went by without them having at least one social gathering together. What was a surprise was when Mum and Dad announced that they were going to divorce, that Mum was going to move in next door with Brett and Maria’s dad, and their mother was going to move in with us. Although the adults were, and still are, very amicable about the whole thing, it was a huge blow to us children. When we initially started referring to Brett and Maria as parasites instead of step-siblings, there was no affection in it at all, and for a long time it seemed like we’d never be friends again.

However, as is often the case, time proved to be a healer and we slowly came to accept the new order of things. In fact, apart from the fact that the adults changed their sleeping arrangements, you’d struggle to notice that anything was different. Both houses still have an open-door policy. Tash and I have often speculated whether there was, and possibly still is, some wife-swapping going on, but have always agreed that there are some things it’s better not to know.

Tash calls back as I’m getting ready for bed. ‘I spoke to Brett. He and Maria went last weekend so we’re in the clear. I’ll call Mum in the morning.’

‘Thanks. Sleep well. Love you.’

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