Page 13 of Love, Accidentally

I grin. ‘Do you think the fact that you use all these satanic references for your son might play a part in his behaviour?’

She smiles back. ‘He’s not that bad at the moment, actually. We did have to have another chat about “Mummy and Daddy’s personal space” the other day after he went into Greg’s bedside cabinet and found his condoms. He thought they were balloons and was going to use them to make decorations for a party for one of his teddies. Thankfully it wasn’t my side of the bed. I’ve no idea how I would have explained away most of the stuff in there.’

‘I’m sure I don’t know what you mean,’ I tell her as I close the door behind me and we head for the stairs.

‘Well, a woman has to have ways to keep herself entertained when her husband is away for nights on end peddling his drugs.’

‘I’ll rephrase my earlier comment. I don’t want to know what you mean.’

‘Oh, come on. You’re a nurse. Don’t be so prudish. I bet there’s a vibrator or two lurking in your bedside cabinet.’

‘If there is, I’m certainly not telling mysisterabout it,’ I say with a laugh as I pull open the door of the enormous shiny SUV that Greg replaces pretty much every year with a swankier model. He says it’s because his car has to reflect his sales success and to make people take him more seriously, but I suspect he’s secretly compensating for something.

‘Hello, Isaac,’ I say to my nephew, who’s securely strapped into the kind of child seat that wouldn’t look out of place in a racing car. It has side, hip and head bolsters, as well as more straps than seem necessary. When I initially asked about it, Tash confided that she’d have been perfectly happy with a normal one, but Greg had insisted that nothing but the top of the range was good enough for the fruit of his loins and, after meticulous research, bought a seat so large and heavy that Tash can’t actually lift it into the car on her own.

‘’Lo, Auntie Tilly,’ Isaac replies, giving me the briefest of nods before returning his attention to the screen built into the headrest in front of him.

‘What are you watching?’ I ask as I clamber in next to him and do up my seat belt.

‘Thomas,’ he says matter-of-factly, as if that’s all the explanation required.

‘Isaac is intoThomas the Tank Engineat the moment,’ Tash explains as Greg noses the car out on to the road.

‘Bit vintage, isn’t it?’

‘Yes, but Greg has fond memories from his own childhood. It’s a bonding thing, apparently.’

‘I see.’ I turn back to Isaac, trying to dredge up my very vague memories of the children’s TV series. ‘Which engine is your favourite?’

‘Gordon,’ Isaac tells me as if it should be obvious.

‘Really? Why?’

‘’Cos he’s the biggest and the fastest, silly.’

‘Isaac,’ Tash warns him. ‘Don’t speak like that to your aunt.’

Isaac looks confused. ‘Why shouldn’t I call her silly? It was a silly question.’

‘Because it’s rude.’

‘I think,’ Isaac declares in the kind of defiant tone that makes me suspect this conversation isn’t going to end well, ‘all grown-ups are silly.’

‘Enough, Isaac,’ Greg suddenly bellows from the front seat, making us all jump. ‘Say sorry.’

I can practically hear the cogs turning in Isaac’s mind as he tries to decide whether to push this further or concede defeat, and I’m relieved when he evidently decides to take the second path.

‘Sorry,’ he mumbles before turning his attention back to the screen.

‘How’s work, Greg?’ I ask once it’s become clear that Isaac is fully immersed in the story once more.

‘Yeah, busy, but like I said to Tash, it’s going to be really good for us if the current deals come off.’

‘Why are they taking so long?’ I ask, my mischievous side coming to the fore once more. ‘Surely you just rock up to a car park somewhere with a load of pills, and various people shove used banknotes through your window in exchange for a brown paper bag.’

I can see Greg smile in the rear-view mirror. ‘I’m not sure whether to be insulted by you running down my job, Tilly, or concerned that you seem to know so much about the illegal drug market.’

‘When you’ve treated as many of the fallout victims of dodgy drugs as I have, it’s hard not to know how the system works.’

---