Page 23 of Love, Accidentally

He sighs heavily. ‘You know I do, but Mum has to be my top priority at the moment. Please don’t ask me to choose between her and you.’

‘I’m not asking you to choose. I’m a nurse; I could help with her care.’

‘I know you could, but I don’t want that,’ he says firmly. ‘It would blur the boundaries and complicate things. What if Mum really didn’t bond with you? Or worse, what if she did and then you and I didn’t work out? Plus, you’re my respite from her. When I’m with you I can be Luke, rather than Mum’s carer, which is why I want to keep you separate from her, do you see?’

‘I guess so. I’m just trying to think of ways to make this work and asking you to understand where I’m coming from.’

‘I do,’ he says, heaving himself off the bed and heading for the door. ‘And I want this to work just as much as you do. But this is all I have to offer at the moment, Tilly. If it’s not enough for you, then maybe it would be kinder to call it a day. Do you want to call it a day? Is that what you’re saying?’

‘Of course not,’ I tell him, tears springing to my eyes. ‘I just wanted to talk about our options, that’s all.’

‘We don’t have any options. This is how it has to be. Right, I’m going to have a shower before I head off, if that’s OK.’

‘Yeah, fine.’

Ten out of ten, Tilly. That went swimmingly.

* * *

My bad mood only gets worse that evening when I get a phone call from Tash.

‘I hope you don’t mind,’ she begins after our usual greetings, ‘but I’ve been doing a bit of digging, with Greg’s help.’

‘What kind of digging?’

‘Your boy Luke. I’m sorry, Tilly, but I couldn’t stop thinking about the situation with his mother, and whether there was more to it than appears on the surface. I talked to Greg about it and he was convinced it was probably nothing, but agreed to ask around and see if he could find some of the people that knew Luke in Milton Keynes, just to see if he’d said anything to them about her.’

‘Why? I didn’t ask you to spy on him.’

‘I know,’ she says, adopting a conciliatory tone that just annoys me more. ‘But you’re my favourite sister and I feel protective about you. I’m sure you’d do the same if you were in my position.’

‘I’m sure I wouldn’t. You have no right to go interfering in my private life.’

‘I wasn’t trying to upset you. I just didn’t want to see you getting hurt, and you need to know what we found. Milton Keynes was never part of Greg’s patch, but he asked his mate Len to casually drop Luke into conversation with the people at the hospital there and see what came back. It turns out the good doctor left under something of a cloud.’

Now that she’s started telling the story, the conciliatory tone is gone and I can tell she’s almost enjoying herself. Tash has always relished a bit of gossip, even when it’s about her own family.

‘What kind of cloud? Drugs?’ I ask. I’ve heard enough stories about doctors and nurses abusing their access to drugs that this seems the most likely possibility. If that’s the case, Luke and I might have a slightly uncomfortable conversation but, as long as he’s learned his lesson, I don’t see it as a deal-breaker.

‘Not drugs. He had a relationship with a nurse. It ended badly.’

‘Is that it?’

‘Did you hear what I just said?’

‘So he’s had relationships before. They don’t always end well. So what?’

‘It ended so badly he had to leave his job, Tilly. That’s suss, don’t you think? I mean, he’s told you he left voluntarily because he had to come south to look after his mum, but that doesn’t seem to be the whole story, does it? If it were me, I’d want to know more about that.’

She’s unbelievable, and I can feel my temper rising. Not only has she gone behind my back on some mission to prove that my boyfriend is somehow up to no good, but all she’s found is a relationship that ended in flames. I’m a little surprised that Luke never mentioned it, but maybe he’s not ready to talk about it yet.

‘Are you still there?’ she asks.

‘Yes,’ I tell her crossly. ‘But what are you expecting me to do? He had a bad break-up. I mean, it’s hardly bloody front page of the tabloids stuff, is it? You’ve stuck your nose in where it doesn’t belong and that’s all you’ve found?’

‘You don’t think that’s sketchy as hell?’

‘No!’

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