Page 31 of Love, Accidentally

‘But you came, stupid idea or not. Why? And why did you expect him to be here?’

She’s clearly not going to let this go. I sink back into the sofa, defeated.

‘He told me he lived here,’ I tell her eventually.

‘Why on earth would he say something like that? I think you’d better tell me everything, don’t you?’

I sigh and tug the cap off my head. There’s no point in pretence any more. ‘I’m a senior nurse in the A&E department of Tunbridge Wells hospital,’ I begin. ‘Luke joined us a few months ago. I didn’t know he was married. I wouldn’t have gone near him with a bargepole if I so much as suspected he was married.’ Now that I’ve started, the words are pouring out of me faster and faster, like an unstoppable tide. ‘He never mentioned a wife. He told me he lived with you, that you needed round-the-clock care and that’s why he could only meet me at certain times of the day, because he had to get back to you. He said we could only be together at my flat because you were confused and wouldn’t understand who I was.’

She sighs. ‘You’re having an affair with him.’

The tears are pouring down my face now. ‘I’m such a fucking idiot!’ I cry. ‘He told me he was single and I believed him.’

‘If you believed him, why did you come here?’

‘My sister. Her husband is in the pharmaceutical industry, and she got him to do some digging around Milton Keynes?—’

‘Ah. Let me guess,’ she interrupts. ‘They found out about poor Lucy.’

‘Lucy?’

Richenda sighs. ‘I believe you when you say you didn’t know Luke was married. In truth, nothing you’ve told me apart from the fact that I’m supposed to be mentally frail is a surprise. The truth is that this is pretty much an exact repeat of what happened in Milton Keynes. I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news, Tilly, but it seems my younger son hasn’t learned his lesson.’

‘That’s another thing,’ I tell her as I glance at the wall again, trying to digest what she’s told me so far. ‘He told me he was an only child, that his father walked out when he was small and has emigrated to Australia. Is that all lies too?’

‘He’s certainly not an only child,’ Richenda says firmly, pointing at one of the pictures I saw earlier. ‘That’s his older brother, Matthew. They might look alike, but their personalities are chalk and cheese, thankfully. Have you ever readThe Secret Life of Walter Mitty?’

‘No.’

‘It’s about a very ordinary person who has a vivid secret imaginary life as a hero. I often think Luke is like that. Normal life is somehow too mundane for him; he’s a reckless thrill seeker, the more dangerous the better. I guess infidelity is a part of that. If it’s any consolation, which I’m sure it isn’t, I’m genuinely sorry for you, Tilly. You seem like a nice person, and my son has evidently done a number on you. As for his father, he is in Australia, yes. But he didn’t walk out and abandon us. Although he and I were very happy to begin with, we began to realise as time went by that we wanted different things out of life, and separated amicably. He pays for the boys to fly out and visit him once a year, and he also comes back here from time to time. I really am sorry, Tilly.’

We sit there in silence for what feels like ages. I have a million questions running around in my head, but I can’t seem to form them into words. Richenda is also quiet, although it is her that breaks the silence first.

‘The thing I can’t work out is this,’ she says eventually. ‘The fallout from the Lucy business was catastrophic. How Cindy didn’t throw him out is anyone’s guess. She’s twice the woman I am, I think. But her conditions were that they moved away from temptation and, obviously, that he never did it again. Coming down here and having the baby was supposed to be a new start. So what the hell am I going to tell her?’

I don’t have the first idea. I’m still struggling to process the scale of his deception and the fact that he has a pregnant wife. The only thing I know right now is that I need to talk to Tash again. I can’t deal with this on my own.

14

I’m still feeling weak as I make my way back to the car. Meeting Richenda has totally knocked the stuffing out of me, and there’s a vicious whisper running round in my head as if on a loop. ‘You’re theother woman,’ it’s saying. ‘Ahomewrecker, anadulterer.’ The photo of Cindy and Luke in Richenda’s sitting room is swimming before my eyes. He has a wife. They’re expecting a baby. He’s been having sex with me. As if determined to wring every ounce of disgrace out of the situation, my brain also reminds me of my smug remark to Lena about how I’d never sleep with a married man, yet that’s exactly what I’ve been doing. I feel like I’m going to be sick.

The fact that I didn’t know he was married seems immaterial. I’m still a member of Luke’s love triangle. A horrible thought comes to me.What if I’m not the only one?He could have a whole bloody harem for all I know. And what about Cindy? I don’t know the woman, but I’m certain she doesn’t deserve this. She’s already forgiven him once, and Richenda seemed determined that she should know what’s happened this time. Oh, God. I’ve literally ended a marriage.

This thought is too much for me, and before I know it I’m bent double, retching into the gutter. Thankfully, I was so nervous about executing my master plan earlier that I haven’t had much to eat today, so it’s mostly dry-heaving. Even so, I look around once it eases up, hoping desperately that nobody has seen me. When I finally reach the sanctuary of my car, my hands are shaking so badly that it takes me several goes to get the key into the ignition and, realising that I’m not really in a fit state to drive, I decide to sit for a while and try to collect my thoughts.

I need to talk to someone. I can’t process this on my own, but I have no idea what time Tash will finish work. Mike is the other obvious candidate, but he won’t be back until nearly seven, assuming he’s not going out somewhere with Sarah, and it’s only two o’clock now. I do have plenty of other friends, but they’ll also be at work and I’m not sure this is something I’d share with anyone except those closest to me.

The universe has obviously decided that I’m not suffering enough, as my phone pings with a message. It’s from Luke, who else?

Missing you. How are you fixed on Friday? Checked the rotas and neither of us is working. I have to relieve the carers at 5 but could be with you by 1? xx

I stare at the message in disbelief. Now that I know the truth, the barefaced duplicity of the man is stomach-churning. In fact, I worry for a moment that I’m actually going to be sick again, but that sensation is quickly replaced by rage. Without thinking, I start to tap out a message.

Are you out of your fucking mind? I met your mother today and I know everything. You are a lying, cheating bastard and I want nothing more to do with you. Text me again and I’ll report you to HR for sexual harassment.

I’m just about to press the send button when I remember the promise I made to Richenda just before I left her flat.

‘I know you’re angry,’ she’d said to me. ‘But I hope you can agree that the most important person in this at the moment is Cindy. I need time to think how best to break the news to her, and then I think we need to let her decide what to do. If you can find a way, without compromising your integrity now that you know the truth, of keeping a lid on this as far as Luke is concerned until I’ve spoken to her, I’d be grateful. I know he’s my son, but I don’t want to give him time to make up some cock and bull story to make himself a misunderstood hero in this. He needs to face the consequences of what he’s done. I love him, of course I do, but right now I want to strangle him.’

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