Page 64 of Love, Accidentally

‘There isn’t,’ he assures me, cutting me off. ‘At least, not any more. But there was. It didn’t end well and that makes me nervous.’

Part of me wants to make light of it and tell him that I know all about relationships that don’t end well, but his eyes have clouded over with sadness and it’s obvious this is not the time for jokes.

‘Do you want to talk about it?’ I ask gently.

Another big sigh. ‘Her name is Cass. I first met her a couple of years ago when I was out with some friends from work, and she was behind the bar of the place we were at. She was quite flirty, but some people just are, aren’t they? So I didn’t give it any thought until one of my friends pointed out that I was the only one in that bar getting the full puppy-dog eyes from her. Anyway, I was in a good mood as we’d just finished a successful project and I had a couple of pints of Dutch courage inside me, so I asked for her number when she came to clear the glasses off the table.’

‘OK.’ I’m not sure where this is going, but I can see he needs to get it off his chest. ‘Did she give it to you?’

‘Oh, yes. We met up the next day, got on brilliantly and that was that.’

‘A whirlwind romance.’ I already hate her for the feeling of jealousy that’s unexpectedly settled in the pit of my stomach.

He smiles ruefully. ‘I guess so. I’ll admit that I fell for her hard, and it seemed like no time had passed before we were talking about moving in together.’

‘And did you?’

‘Yes, and everything was rosy, to begin with at least.’

‘What happened?’ I haven’t enjoyed this story at all so far, so I’m hoping that she’ll turn out to have been a three-headed witch at the very least.

‘When I explained to her about my dyslexia, she made all the right noises, but it quickly became clear she hadn’t taken in what I’d said at all. She used to get frustrated when I couldn’t read things fast enough. She’d demand that I write something down and then have a go at me because it wasn’t spelled correctly. She even bought me some workbooks designed for a five-year-old at one point. She said she was determined to cure me.’

I definitely hate her now.

‘That’s horrible,’ I say, more vehemently than I expected. ‘I hope you told her where to stick her workbooks.’

‘I should have. I realise that now, but I was in love and I genuinely thought she was trying to help, so I did them to make her happy. Honestly, I felt like an idiot filling in questions about which was the green square and what colour the circle was.’

‘And did it make her happy?’

‘No. She just got more and more snappy with me as time went on and there wasn’t any improvement. The happy, bubbly woman I’d fallen for turned into a hissing cloud of resentment. In her mind, my lack of progress was purely because I wasn’t trying hard enough.’

‘She sounds like an absolute charmer.’

‘Mm. The really strange thing is that I couldn’t see how miserable she was making me, and how controlling she’d become.’

‘What happened?’

‘Mum, of course. She didn’t say anything to me – she knew it would just drive a wedge between us – but she could see that I wasn’t happy, even if I couldn’t see it myself. Cass was clever; she always turned on the charm around Mum and Dad, but she started to get careless. One day, she made a disparaging remark to me in Mum’s hearing.’

‘Uh-oh.’ I may never have met the famous Geraldine, but you don’t need to be a genius to work out that she wouldn’t have reacted well.

‘Yeah. Mum told her firmly not to talk to me like that, and Cass completely lost her shit with her. She screamed a load of vile stuff that I’m not going to repeat, but the gist was that I was a waste of space, she’d basically been carrying me for months, she’d talk to me however she liked and my mother should be grateful that anyone was prepared to take on her charity case of a son.’

‘I’m surprised your dad didn’t throw her out.’

‘I think he would have, if she hadn’t stormed out before he got the chance. Anyway, it opened my eyes at last.’

‘So you ended it.’

‘I was going to, but I had to deal with Mum and Dad and the fallout first. By the time I got back to the flat, she’d packed all her stuff and gone. That was six months ago and I haven’t seen her since.’

‘I’m so sorry, Will. You didn’t deserve that.’

‘Thanks, but can you understand why I’m wary? You’re not dyslexic and, although I’m sure you’ll do your best, I worry that you’ll just end up getting similarly frustrated when I can’t fill in what looks like a basic form to you, or look up one of my dad’s ex-girlfriends online. I like you, Tilly, I really do. But I’m not sure I can go through the wringer again.’

Any remaining reserve I feel about him fades away as my heart melts. But then I check myself. Am I falling into exactly the trap he’s talking about? Is this the beginnings of something deeper, or am I just feeling protective, like he’s some kind of wounded animal that I need to take care of? If it’s the second, he’ll see through me and we’re just heading for disaster.

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