Page 47 of Grounds for Love

She goes to the living room and stands at the full-length windows looking out over the ocean. I can’t wait any longer. “Jenni, I love you, sweetheart. You can tell me anything. Whatever it is, we’ll get through it together.”

She turns at the soft tone of my voice with tears and sorrow in her eyes and I know whatever it is will be life-changing. She takes a breath, swallows, and says, “I love you too, Rod, and that’s why it’s so hard to tell you that… I’m pregnant.”

My mouth opens and then closes. No. I couldn’t have heard that right. “What did you say?”

Tears fall freely down her cheeks. “Joy and I went to Southport today to get a pregnancy test. I’m pregnant.”

This can’t be happening. I turn away and take a shuddering breath. Pregnant. I think I’m going to be sick. “This is a joke, right? You said you couldn’t get pregnant. I assumed that meant you were on birth control.”

She flinches from the tone of my voice. Worrying her bottom lip between her teeth, she nods. “I didn’t think I could get pregnant. Bryan and I tried for years and it didn’t happen. And my periods are so sporadic I thought…well, you know, I thought I was going through the change.”

“Is it mine?”

I hate myself as soon as those words spew from my mouth. The wounded look in her eyes makes me regret it even more. What an ass I am.

Her back straightens at that asinine remark. “Yes, the baby is yours. I haven’t been with anyone but you since Bryan passed away.”

I scrub my hands through my hair and try to pull it together. “I’m sorry. I know that. It’s just…”

“A shock. I know that too, Rod. I’m going to be forty-two very soon. Do you think I’m not terrified? I know this takes a while to process, and I think it’s best if I leave now before we say things we can’t take back. I’ll call Joy to pick me up. Take a few days to process the news and contact me when you’re ready to talk.”

“Have you seen a doctor?”

“No, but I did make an appointment.”

“When is it? I want to be there.”

“It’s Tuesday at ten in Wilmington. I’m not ready for people on the island to know. If I’d gone to the medical center here, you know how news spreads quickly. I’m not ready to deal with that.”

“I want to go with you.”

She nods and I stand silently by as she leaves. The front door clicks closed and I drop onto the nearest seat, forcing myself to breathe in and out until my spinning brain slows. I bury my face in my hands. This can’t be real. A kid at my age? Hell, no. But what alternative do I have?

Since Grace passed, I’ve never had sex without a condom. Even if they said they were on birth control, I never took the chance. I was so desperate to be inside Jenni that I didn’t listen to the voice in my head that said to suit up. Fuck, I’m an idiot.

The technician directs me to stand on the opposite side of the examination table near Jenni’s head. I thought being the oldest by a few decades in the waiting room was bad enough, but being in the exam room is even worse.

I glance at Jenni nervously and want to take her hand. I picked her up this morning and it’s the first time I’ve seen her since she broke the news. I’m an asshole for not contacting her and talking, but I haven’t a clue what to say. I should have said “I love you and we’ll deal with this, but I don’t want to be a father. I am too old to be a father.

“Okay, let’s get a look and listen at the little one.” She drapes a blanket below Jenni’s stomach and then pushes her shirt up to just under her breasts. “There we go.”

She reaches onto the cart of technical equipment and takes a bottle from a holder. “This is going to be a bit cold on your tummy. We have the gel in a warmer, but it’s still at a lower temp than your body.”

She squirts a big glob on Jenni’s stomach and then picks up a stick attached to a machine by a cord.

“This is the ultrasound wand that will let us see inside your uterus. Hopefully, we’ll see a little peanut inside. This won’t hurt, but it may be uncomfortable if I need to push to get a clear picture.” She points to the monitor on the machine. “This is where we’ll get our first look at your baby.”

She lays the wand in the pile of gel and moves it around, pushing it into Jenni’s flat stomach. All three sets of eyes are locked onto the screen. Jenni gasps when a blurry image appears that looks nothing like a baby.

“Mom, Dad, there’s your baby,” the technician says happily as she pushes buttons that make the machine click. “Do you see that tiny flutter?”

She points to an area in the blurry blob on the screen. “That’s the baby’s heart and it’s a good strong beat.”

My mouth drops as I try to process not only what my eyes see on the screen, but also being called dad. I start to detach from my body like this whole thing isn’t happening. I can’t escape into the cloud of denial I’ve been living in. This is real.

“That blob is a baby?” I ask, which the technician thinks is funny and chuckles.

“I know it’s hard to imagine something this small will grow into a baby with arms, legs, and toes, but don’t worry, I can assure you, that blob is your baby.”

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