Page 5 of Grounds for Love

“No. We agreed,” she says sternly. “We agreed to starting our life on Faire Island with a clean slate and endless possibilities. We’re going to be fearless and go after what we want. He’s a possibility. And he’s interested. I know he is. He must have been having a bad day or just found out some horrible news and reacted badly.”

“Come on, Joy. Even if he was the most personable man in the world, someone like him would never be attracted to someone like me. Just look at us. The scales are tipped in his direction. He’s George Clooney and I’m the extra that never makes it past the cutting room floor.”

“Do you hear yourself? If I said something like that, you’d give me the ‘see the value in yourself’ talk.”

My lips twist. She’s right. I would have. I hate it when she uses my own words against me. “Joy, I love you, but I’m fine. Stop trying to fix me up. I’m not closing the door on someday starting to date, but for now, just leave it alone.”

“Bryan wouldn’t want you to live the rest of your life alone.”

I stare out into the distance. Something my sister doesn’t know is that I promised Bryan I’d not close myself off to the possibility of loving someone again.

Joy’s finger on my cheek breaks the memories that had taken me into the past. She brings her finger away, glistening with tears I didn’t realize are falling.

“I love you, Jen,” she says softly and wraps me in a hug.

“I love you too, Joy.”

I don’t know what I would have done without my sister these past years. Even though I’m the oldest by two decades, there have been times when she’s had to step up and make decisions I couldn’t.

Selling our family home and business and starting over was something we’d both wanted. There were too many sad memories of not only Bryan, but also our parents. It felt like we were mired in the past and couldn’t find our way out of the darkness.

Moving to Faire Island was a good decision, but the rest is going to take time. As for that man… I glance back to the upper deck. Yeah, he’s now on my avoid-at-all-cost list. Which is a very short list of one.

When we dock, I keep my gaze directed straight ahead as we exit the ferry. I still can’t help the feeling that I lost something special on the ride to the mainland. Or something that could have been.

We pick up Joy’s car from the long-term parking lot and head west. Since we each have a car, we decided to leave one on the island and one on the mainland so we would always have transportation. Living on an island has meant some adjustments, but the benefits far outweigh the drawbacks. We’ve just had to become better planners.

The four-hour drive is a quiet one. When we pull into the cemetery, we’re both lost in our thoughts. I’m not sure how good visiting our parents and Bryan is for Joy, but it’s a tradition we started long ago. At first, I thought it brought us both some small measure of comfort. Now, I’m not so sure.

I park and Joy grabs the wicker basket with our lunch from the back seat and I grab the blanket. In silence we walk to their graves. I spread the blanket out and then we sit and start pulling our sandwiches, chips, and drinks out.

Joy was so young when our parents passed. My dad was near fifty when he married Joy’s mom. They didn’t think they could have children, but Joy surprised them. I was twenty at the time and in college. Two years later, I had my degree, but I also had a husband. Then a few years after that, our parents were in a boating accident, and I found myself the guardian of my half-sister.

I’m not sure how much she remembers our parents, but I know she has many memories of Bryan. She always saw him as her father figure and he loved Joy. They were close and she would tell Bryan things she couldn’t tell me. I was glad she had someone when she needed another ear or arms to hug her.

“Jen,” Joy says softly as she stares at the names on the gravestones.

“Yeah, honey?”

I can see her struggle for the words. Finally she looks up at me and says, “I don’t think we should come here anymore.”

Before I can process what she said and come up with a response, she adds, “I used to feel warm inside when we came. It was like this was the only place I felt connected to them. But now, I don’t feel anything. It’s not that I don’t love them just as much as always. It’s just…”

I pick her hand up from the blanket and hold it in mine. “I know, sweetie. You’ll always love them, but you’re healing inside. It’s okay to stop coming. Maybe we just come for special days like Mother’s Day and Father’s Day.”

She gives me a small smile. “Yeah, that sounds good. Unless you need to come. We can still visit them each week.”

I give her hand a squeeze. “I’m okay with stopping. I’ve never felt that our loved ones were here. They’ve always lived inside my heart.”

She looks up at me and I see a new resolve in her eyes. “We need to let them go, don’t we?”

“We’ll always have them anytime we need them. But yeah, we need to move on as best we can. Are you happy with our move?” She’d had to leave all her friends behind. I was afraid she didn’t understand what that would mean. I have to remember that my little sister is a woman now.

“I am happy we moved. I love it on the island and everyone is so nice. The business is doing better than we ever expected.”

“You know you don’t have to stay, right? If the coffee shop isn’t your dream, you don’t have to stay.”

She huffs out a weary sigh. This topic has been on repeat. “We’ve been over this before, sis. I love the shop and I’ve put my business degree to work. I’m not saying I won’t ever leave, but for now, I’m happy. Now what about you?”

I start dumping our trash back in the basket. “Oh, no. We’ve already talked about me. I’m not doing it again. How about we catch a movie and then take an earlier ferry back home?”

She gives me a knowing look and then giggles like she used to when she was younger. “Fine. That sounds like a plan.”

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