Page 44 of Desperately Seeking Mr. Darcy

I don’t answer him because I don’t really know, and also because I’ve now started sobbing into his riding jacket, my head pressed against his chest as he holds me. I can feel his quick breathing and hear his heart beating rapidly.

“Spooked by a loud noise, no doubt,” I hear the stable master say. “He’s usually better tempered than that, but it happens.”

“It happens?” Zane yells. “You put someone who’s only ridden once on a horse that’s been known to do this?”

“Well, it only happened the one time,” the man says. “And ... I guess, right now as well.”

“Zane,” I say, trying to get him to stop yelling. It’s not the stable master’s fault that the horse got spooked. It could have happened to anyone.

“And I saw someone else fall off their horse too,” Zane says, his voice full of judgment and disbelief. “Is this how you run things around here?”

“What?” I say, pulling back from his chest. “Who fell off their horse?”

Zane shakes his head. “I don’t know,” he says. “It was someone else coming from a different direction, trying to get to you. I think it might have been Elizabeth.”

“Monroe?” I say, my stomach falling as I pull out of his grasp and start running toward the other side of the field where I see a crowd of people gathered.

“Macey,” I hear Zane call after me, but I won’t stop. Even on legs that still feel wobbly, I run toward the group.

“What happened?” I ask once I reach the group, Zane only seconds behind me.

“Oh, it’s right bleedin’ terrible,” the woman playing Kitty says, her cockney accent thick, Mary and Lydia standing behind her. “Elizabeth’s gone and fallen off ’er ‘orse. She’s knocked out.”

“No,” I say. I can’t believe it—I won’t, until I see her. I push my way toward the center, and there she is. Monroe, lying on the ground, eyes closed, her dark hair spilling from its once-neat coiffure, now fanned out around her like a halo. The duke kneels beside her, looking like a man caught between fury and desperation, his hands hovering uselessly as if he’s unsure ofwhat to do. Lady Catherine and Caroline Bingley stand behind him watching, while Mr. and Mrs. Bennet are holding each other, a tear trailing down Mrs. Bennet’s face.

Zane curses under his breath when he sees Monroe lying there and then pulls me toward him, wrapping his arms around me as I cry once more.

Monroe was coming after me. I heard her. She was trying to help, and then, because of me, she fell off a horse and is now unconscious.

It seems like an eternity, waiting for the paramedics to arrive. When they finally get here and begin their assessment, my tears, which I thought had dried up, start again when I hear phrases like “traumatic brain and spinal cord injuries” being tossed around. Zane pulls me into him once again, his arms holding me close.

“I feel awful,” I say against his chest.

“It’s not your fault,” Zane says.

But it is my fault. I should have listened to Zane. If I hadn’t been so determined to play my role the way it was in the book, if I would have just insisted on walking to Netherfield, then none of this would have happened.

“I hate to disturb you at such a time,” Lady Catherine says to the duke as paramedics continue to assess Monroe. “But I must think about the park and the experience for the rest of our guests. I do hope you will stay on as our Mr. Darcy. Chances are there isn’t much you can do at the hospital. We will find you another Elizabeth.”

Is she for real right now? The man is clearly distraught and hasn’t left Monroe’s side since she fell. Does she honestly think he’d want to dust off and resume his role as Mr. Darcy?

“I would be more than happy to take Monroe’s place.” Winnifred raises her hand.

The duke, whose face is now the shade of a cherry, turns toward the two of them and proceeds to go off, chastising the woman playing Caroline first and then turning his ire onto Lady Catherine. It’s actually very kick-butt, and I hope Monroe gets to hear all about this if and when she wakes up. Oh gosh, please wake up.

And if she does wake up—whenshe wakes up; I’m going to stay positive here—then I hope she and the duke figure out things between them. I wasn’t so sure last night, when she came back from their little tryst, her eyes red rimmed and tears streaming down her cheeks, that they would get a happy ending. But seeing how he refuses to leave Monroe’s side right now, and how passionately he’s telling off Caroline and Lady Catherine, I can’t help but think they’ll be able to get through the things that are keeping them apart.

They put Monroe on a stretcher, and the paramedics carefully load her into the back of the ambulance. The duke ducks his head as he follows in behind her.

Zane keeps his arms around me as we walk back into the main house, following the rest of the now-somber group. He’s been keeping a hand on me since that joke of a horse ride, either on my lower back, or around my shoulders, or gathering me up, and I can’t say that I mind. I’m sure he’s worked up because of the Thunderbolt incident and later we’ll just go back to our regularly scheduled programing. But for now, I appreciate the comfort. It’s been a long day, and it’s not even noon yet.

Lady Catherine has us gather in the drawing room for a discussion, flustered from the duke’s words, I’m sure. I can only think about Monroe. The image of her lying there, eyes closed and unresponsive, will probably haunt me for the rest of my life. Especially if she doesn’t survive. No. She’s going to be fine. She has to be.

As we all find seats—Zane and I on a settee, his arm around my shoulders—Lady Catherine stands at the front, and I have no idea what she’s planning to say. I can’t imagine how she expects us to continue reenactingPride and Prejudiceafter what just happened. Surely we’ll cancel everything and go home early. That’s what I want to do right now. Well, actually, I need to stay at least until I know Monroe is okay.

This trip—the one I won, the one that was supposed to be my saving grace after the worst year of my life—is turning into just another letdown in a long list of disappointments.

And I can’t help but feel like it’s all my fault.

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