Page 82 of Desperately Seeking Mr. Darcy

When I sit down in my supply room office, a pile of papers to staple in my hand, I don’t feel quite as stuck. I feel ... better, like maybe there’s more for me than just this. Like maybe, for the first time in a long time, I’ve taken a step toward something that’s mine.

“I’M SO SORRY, MACEY,” AMELIA says, her tear-stained face turned toward me as we sit on the couch in the condo later that evening.

Empowered by my conversation with Christine at work, I came home and told Amelia how what she did—paying for the trip and pretending I won it—made me feel hurt, frustrated, and small.

“I know,” I say. “I just need you to stop trying to save me.”

“I promise,” she says, her voice thick. “I’ll never butt into your life like that again.”

I tilt my head to the side. “I think we both know that’s a lie.” There’s teasing in my voice, but I mean it. I don’t know if Amelia is capable of letting others—especially me—do things without getting involved. She likes to fix things. It’s who she is. And I love her for it, even if it makes me feel like I’m incapable of doing things myself.

“Well, I can try,” she says, giving me a watery smile.

“That’s all I’m asking,” I say.

She rubs under her eyes with the cuff of her sweatshirt.

“So, did you at least have fun?”

I give a smile then. A genuinely happy one. “It was so much fun,” I tell her.

“Tell me everything.”

And so, I do. I tell her everything I didn’t have time to share with her duringleisurely pursuits—which, honestly, is most of it, since I could only give her the barest highlights in that short amount of time.

I tell her about the balls, and the dancing, and all the little moments that made it feel like I stepped straight onto the pages ofPride and Prejudice. I tell her about Mr. Collins’s over-the-top character, Lady Catherine’s over-the-top expectations, and how the whole experience was like nothing I’ve ever done before.

I leave out the parts about Zane. I’m not ready to talk about that yet, and I doubt Amelia wants to hear it anyway. But as I finish recounting the trip, I realize just how much it all meant to me—and how much I’ve changed because of it. And maybe even though I didn’t win the trip, it doesn’t have to taint my experience there. I think someday, when the hurt that lingers passes, I might look back on the trip as one of the best trips of my life.

“Oh, I wish I could have gone,” Amelia says.

“You should go,” I tell her. “You’d love it.”

I hear the door to the condo open, and my heart does a fluttering thing. It picks up speed when Zane comes into the room.

“Hey,” he says.

“What’s up, loser?” Amelia replies.

I feel a bit like my old, mute self right now, unsure of what to say around him. So much happened while we were away, and my feelings for Zane—there are just too many, tangled and overwhelming, making it hard to act normal. I want to be normal around him, to go back to being friends. I just got him back,and the thought of losing him again feels unbearable. But maybe that’s not something I can control.

“Just got home from work,” he tells us.

My eyebrows raise instantly. “How was it?”

The words pop out of my mouth of their own accord, but I need to know how his first day back went and if he’s made any decisions.

He smiles softly. “It was good,” he says. The words are few, but I can read the subtext. He’s made his decision, and whatever that is, he’s happy with it.

“I’m glad to hear it,” I say. I’m hoping he says more, but instead he just stands there.

“Well, I think I’m going to change and then hit the gym,” he finally says with a head bob toward his room.

“Uh ... thanks for the itinerary,” Amelia says, looking at him like he’s a weirdo.

He gives me a slight bow of his head—similar to the ones he gave me at the park as Mr. Darcy—and a smile that’s full of the words he isn’t saying.I’m sorry. I miss you. I’m hurting.

Or maybe that’s just me projecting. Maybe Zane has realized he was, in fact, being impulsive at Pride and Prejudice Park, and now that he’s home, he knows I was right.

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