Page 85 of Desperately Seeking Mr. Darcy

But I want to be honest with you. As much as I’m excited to see you, I’m also nervous. I’ve had those hopes before, the ones where I think this time might be different. That maybe, like you said, you’ll become the mom I deserve. I know you’ve been through a lot, but so have I.

The thing is, I’ve been doing some growing of my own lately, and I’ve realized something important: You were right. I do deservebetter. And I hope, for both of our sakes, this time can be different.

I love you, Mom.

Macey

“I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE LEAVING me,” Amelia whines as she lays a stack of clothes on the bed of my new place.

The past two weeks have been a whirlwind. I finally found an apartment, one that’s not far from her, but one I can afford. Which means it’s kind of a dump. But it’s clean and not bug-infested, and honestly, those were my most important prerequisites.

I have a new roommate named Kinsley, and she seems nice and not like a boyfriend stealer (also on my list of requirements), but I don’t really know her that well, so the jury is still out. Regardless, it’s my own place, with my own room. A new beginning of sorts.

“I’m literally going to be five minutes away from you,” I say to my best friend, who’s now doing a sulking thing and giving me puppy-dog eyes.

“It won’t be the same, though. I won’t get to see you every day. Plus, you’ll be busy with your program now.”

I smile. I will be busy with that, for the foreseeable future. In the best turn of events, Christine gave me my program, and I get the chance to run it next spring. I’ll still need to do my admin duties, but she said she will cut back on those so I have time to work on the program. She even used some of our coveted budget to buy an industrial automatic stapler, so I think she’s very serious about it.

I’ve been on cloud nine, excited I finally get to bring my work to life. And if it goes well, there’s the promise that I’ll get to domore. That’s what Christine said, at least. It turns out all I had to do was show her a little boldness and I’m on my way to doing what I want to do. If only I had tried that earlier.

The me that came back from Pride and Prejudice Park seems to be sticking around. I still fall back into my old ways—apologizing when I don’t need to, and the people-pleasing gene rears her ugly head now and then—but I feel more settled in my own skin these days, and I’m loving it.

“Where do you want this, Mace?” Zane asks, carrying a box into the room, showing off his biceps in a white T-shirt.

“Just put it in the corner,” I say, directing him.

Things have been good with Zane too. Different, but good. Ever since that night when we did the country dance,Pride and Prejudiceplaying behind us, it’s been better. He’s been going out of his way to talk to me and has slowly started to tease me and even flirt with me. A little whisper in my ear, sometimes a wink. And he’s been finding ways to touch me. Playfully, but still, I’ve noticed.

I’m not sure if it’s old habits, or if there’s more to it. Sometimes I catch a mischievous sort of look on his face when we’re hanging out and wonder what he’s thinking. It’s almost as if he’s got some sort of plan. But he hasn’t done or said anything else to make me think that, so I guess we’ve just settled back into Macey and Zane. And I’m happy about that.

It doesn’t stop me from wishing for more or wondering if I made the wrong decision back at the Park that night. Like right now, as he looks around my place, a soft smile on his handsome face. But it was the right thing to do, even if sometimes I just want to make out with him again. Too bad there are no walled gardens here for us to run away to. It’s probably for the best.

“So, this is the new apartment,” he says.

“This is it,” I say.

“I hate it,” Amelia sulks. “She’s too far away.”

“Oh, come on,” Zane says. “You’ll be forcing her to hang out with you like you always do.”

She rolls her eyes at him. “Beats your stupid company,” she says. “I can’t believe I’m twenty-eight and still live with my brother.”

“So move out,” Zane says.

“You move out,” she replies.

“Okay,” I say, looking at the both of them. “How about we get all my stuff in here and you two can argue this out later.”

“Fine,” Amelia says before leaving the room.

Zane lingers behind. “I think she’s going to miss you.”

“I’m literally five minutes away,” I tell him the same thing I told Amelia.

“Yeah, but I get it. I’m ... gonna miss you too,” he says, putting his hands in his pockets. He seems sort of vulnerable, the way he’s looking at me right now.

I feel my cheeks warm at his words. “I’ll miss you too,” I tell him, and I mean it.

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