Page 125 of Unbound

Tia,

If I die, it’s not suicide.

If you think long & hard, you’ll realize I’m too cowardly to take my own life. I’m also not that heartless to let you endure both parents having done that.

But make no mistake, if I die, which I guess I did since you’re reading this, it’s not that I did myself in but it is because it’s my fault. I’m reaping what I sowed. Your husband tried to protect me and I was blind.

I didn’t think he’d let me contact you. I might have been wrong. I used Nick to try to get to you, to get you to forgive me, but I don’t deserve your forgiveness. Or Tommy’s.

And Nick doesn’t deserve Tommy’s anger. I pushed + pushed and used his feelings for you to my advantage. I shouldn’t have done that.

I’m proud of you, sweet pea. You turned out amazing, no thanks to me. You are a beauty who is also smart, loyal, forgiving, and with a heart of gold. Your mother would’ve been proud of you, regardless of who you married, or what your husband does for a living.

As I write this, I hope I can tell my sister to throw it out one day, because I’ll get to have a relationship with you. If I ever get out of here.

Nick told me I’m gonna be a grampa. I hope I can be a good grampa to your little tyke or your little sweet pea. I bet I’d be a fun one if I got that chance. You’ll be a great mom. Love you sweet pea.

Love,

Dad

PS: Pls see the back of this note for my secret spice blend recipe that you loved so much. Your rendition was close but I added the secret ingredients you didn’t know about. Teach it to your kids. Cook with them. Good memories and all. I know you have at least some fun memories of me cooking with you. xo

I crumpled into Tommy’s arms, the letter floating to the floor.

It was too late.

He put his arms around me and held me close.

“He was a lousy father,” I said.

He nodded, solemnly.

“It’s too late.”

“I know. He might’ve kept fucking up, kept disappointing you.”

“But he might’ve changed.”

“Aren’t you an optimist?”

“I guess so.”

“And it’s lucky for me that you are.” He kissed me.

“He probably would’ve been a fun grandpa.”

Tommy kissed my head.

“He gave me something amazing, though,” I said.

“Your eyes,” Tommy said.

I shook my head. “You. I know it was your father who orchestrated it but my father being who he was, that was part of it, too. I never thought I’d say it, but my dad and your dad, their history? All of it got me you. I love you so much, Tommy.”

Tommy squeezed me a teensy bit too tight, then, kissing me with so much emotion I felt it in my bones. He loved me. He wasn’t perfect. I wasn’t perfect, either. He was who he was. He was mine. My Ice Cream Parlor Hottie, my Dominator, my baby’s daddy, my hero, my husband. My forever.

“Oh.” She got a weird look on her face.

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