Page 73 of Cursed Shadows 1

I hit out at the hands that dare touch me—traitor hands. Slick with my blood.

I turn—and I run.

The Warmth passed me by in a haze. The Breeze came and went. Now the First Wind brings a chill with it that I welcome.

I stand at the edge of the tower, as I have stood here all phase since I raced out of the offices, and I just stare out there into the darkness. For some time, I watched the fights on the battle block. I watched the brutality of it all. I watched Daxeel snap a litalf’s neck, kill him in cold blood.

I was sick again, leaned over the edge of the tower and aimed for the black bushes below.

But that was hours ago, and now I nurse a bottle of tavarak. I need something a lot stronger than wine, and the pain of its burn down my throat is welcome.

I stand, swaying in my numb existence, feeling only the cool kiss of the wind nipping at me.

Eamon stands behind me.

I don’t know when exactly he came, but I faintly remember his arms coming around me. If I gave much thought to it, I might understand that Pandora sought him out for me, told him all about everything, and he knew where he would find me.

Funny he used to be her friend, then I stole him away. Is there a little need for revenge that lives within Pandora like the bud of a flower, waiting for its day to bloom?

But now, Eamon is mine, and he holds me, my back to his chest.

I think he’s keeping me from jumping, like he fears that for me.

Aleana is as silent as death herself on the cushions.

No one else comes.

I’m glad for it.

No one needs to see me like this, as I am at my core. Afraid. And no one needs to see when I drop to my knees, held tight in Eamon’s arms, and scream until I can’t scream anymore.

16

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I’m sick often. I cry even more.

Mostly, I sleep in fever dreams.

17

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Two whole phases. That’s how long it took Eamon to get me out of my bed. Aleana forced me to bathe, said I smelled like a peasant, but I don’t remember speaking anything at all.

After that, I was a ghost moving through the corridors. For three phases, that’s what I did. Wandered between worlds, not quite belonging to either. And that’s the truth of it, right? The Sacrament is a death sentence for one like me. So am I really living while I stand on death’s doorstep, just waiting for her to greet me?

It's only when Aleana told me,reminded me, that in seven phases the Sacrament will begin with the first passage, that I was sucked away from the doorstep, into life, and pure panic.

I need to figure something out, and fast.

Like father said, I was quick to learn the scribes can’t help me. They told me that over and over, each time I shadowed them through the scripture hall, and pounded my fist on the doors to their private quarters.

With Aleana and Eamon, I even started to harass the iilra. The dark scribes, but they are different to our own. Where our Four Sisters—the princesses of Licht—hold the power to Licht, the iilra do just that for Dorcha.

But they can’t help. Or they won’t.

Whatever it is, they close the doors on me each time, and the last time was with the hiss of a threat that should I bother them again, I won’t even make it to the first passage.

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