Page 13 of Out Of Time

Remi leaned into his space, her body pressing against him, a calming reassurance that it was okay to take a pass this time. And for that he was grateful.

Remi began to pack up her hummus. “Deal. To be continued, Max Miller.”

He also gathered his things, putting the cap back on the lemonade, and closing the bag of trail mix.

Standing at the same time, and without having to ask the other, they shook the sand from the blanket, with each of them holding an end in their hands as they walked together to fold it in a team effort. When they met in the middle, with only the blanket between them, Max thought he saw something new in Remi. The way she tilted her head to look at him, and the way shedidn’tsmile this time—not even the single-dimple kind; he thought maybe she saw something in him too. But the moment passed before Max could act on it. They finished folding the blanket, and without saying another word, they made their way up the trail back to his house as he fought off the strobe-like flashes of light he was experiencing from being out in the bright sun.

The Condors were in Seattle, and despite Max being unpredictable in front of the net, Coach still gave him the start. It was their last game in October before he flew home for two days, and Max knew a win wasn’t guaranteed with him in front of the net. Even with his coach’s confidence in him, Max knew Jack Brown had become the team's safe choice.

There was talk in the locker room. He heard their hushed voices and felt their eyes on him. Not everyone on the team felt as confident in him as their coach did, and he didn’t blame them. If he didn’t trust himself in front of the net, how could he expect his team to?

He wasn't a dumb man; he knew something was definitely going on with him. Something was off, but that didn't make it easier to accept whatever it was that was happening with his vision and face it head-on.

It would pass. It had to pass. That was the only option.

“Hey,” a gruff voice said before he felt the heaviness of a hand on his shoulder.

Looking up, Max saw Patrick Carter, the captain of the Condors, standing next to him.

“Mind if I take a seat?” he asked, and Max hinted to the left side of the locker room bench. Carter shook his head knowingly. Everyone knew that Max thought it was bad luck to have someone sit on the right side of him before a game.

“How are you feeling, Millsy?” Carter asked, using the team's nickname for him.

Max liked his captain. Carter was young, but he was talented and had a natural ability to lead. “I feel fine.” Max lied, because in all honesty, he felt nervous. He could feel his chest growing tighter and tighter the closer they got to puck drop, because no matter how many times he blinked, or how many times he put drops in his eyes, or how many lights he kept on, Max couldn't seem to fix it. He didn’t know whatitwas, but whateveritwas, scared him because it was only getting worse.

“Okay. But how do you really feel, Millsy? Because if I were you, I wouldn’t be okay.”

“This season just started off on the wrong foot,” Max said, knowing he wasn’t fooling his observant captain.

“You getting the start tonight has the boys worried. And I’m not telling you this to discourage you, I’m telling you this to light a fire under your ass, Millsy. I know you're in your head over the losses, but I want you to remember you’re the best goalie in Condors’ franchise history. Rememberthattonight. The start of the season is in the past, it was just a slow start for you, but you got this. We’re going to play hard in front of you, Millsy, but I need to know that you’ll be there if we let a puck through.”

“I will. I’ll be there,” he said, but that didn’t change the fact that he couldn’t make out the shape of the team’s logo under his feet on the locker room carpet.

Carter gave his shoulder one last squeeze. “We believe in you, but you’ve got to get back to believing in yourself.”

If onlythatwas the real problem.

Carter went back to his locker, and Max willed his eyes to stay unfocused. He didn't want to see the way the rest of the team was watching him get ready with their uncertain eyes and hushed voices. And while Max appreciated his captain's little pep talk, he knew it wasn’t enough. Because while Maxwasin his head about his losses, he knew it was more than that. He needed help. He needed to go to the doctor to see what he could do to fix it, because if he didn’t figure this out, he would throw away his final season, and he refused to retire from the bench.

***

Remi sat cross-legged on her living room floor as she glued sequins to the bodysuit of her Halloween costume. The Condor’s game played on the TV in front of her. Max got the start, and it pained her how nervous that made her feel.

This Saturday was Halloween, and she had been invited to a party by one of the bartenders at Moe’s. The party was, as to be expected, a costume party, and Remi was crafty if nothing else. So, balls deep in sequins, she sat gluing her costume as Max took his place in front of the net as the second period started. The Condors were winning, 2-1. Remi watched as Max had been able to make a few saves. And while Remi was no hockey expert, she couldn’t help but notice that those saves didn’t happen without struggle. He looked off tonight. His saves seemed messy, like he was frantic in front of the net.

She told herself watching him play didn’t make her miss him.

Not at all.

Not even a bit.

She absolutely did not miss him.

She was anawfulliar.

She hadn’t seen him since their little beach picnic, and shealsohad not gone a day without thinking about it. Max was at the forefront of her mind for what seemed like every second of every day since she met him. She couldn’t shake the feeling that he might need someone in his life, a friend or maybe even a lover? She tried not to think of him in a sexual way, but it was getting harder and harder to do the more she watched him play. She hadn’t always been into a man in uniform, but she would be lying if she said the goalie gear didn’t do something to her lower regions.

She was already breaking her rules of conduct for Busy Bee Cleaners by spending time with Max, breaking the fourth wall. He should be invisible to her when she was cleaning his house. But he was hard not to see, partly because he was massive, and partly because he was awkwardly there, but mostly because he was beautiful.

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