Page 43 of Out Of Time

Her eyes instantly darted away from the magazine, just knowing he had been looking at it felt gross and intrusive. Her eyes locked back on him, on the top of his head because he was clearly too cowardly to face her.

“You can’t just change it up on me like that, Max. It’s not fair. You can’t be so fucking consistent and thenbam, have me walking into a fucking crime scene.”

Her heart hammered in her chest; she couldn’t catch her breath. The smell of the pizza boxes, musty laundry, and the putrid stink of whiskey; she thought she might puke as her pastflooded her. This was too much to walk into unprepared. She always knew what she was going to get with Max, even despite their recent circumstances. His house was safe. Max's house had always been a sure bet walking in, unlike the home from her childhood.

Until now.

Finding him this way.

He could have been dead, under his filth, with sour whiskey-stained lips.

It was too much.

It was too familiar.

It wasexactlyhow she had found her mother.

The need for fresh air consumed her. She needed to get the fuck out of his house until her brain remembered how to make her heart work again.

Heading out the back door slider, she didn’t stop until she had made it across his patio and through the small gate that led to the beach. She didn't stop until she hit the shoreline. Only then did she let herself break completely.

***

By the time Max heard Remi return from the beach he had the living room cleaned up and had started working on the kitchen.

He should have gone down to the beach and comforted her. He had hurt her, upset her, scared her, and triggered something deep inside her, but he didn’t go to her. Considering what he had recently put her through, he wasn’t even sure he was allowed to try and comfort her.

So, he cleaned instead.

Shoes in one hand and her phone in the other, Remi let herself in through the back slider. Max turned off the sink water that had been running, in case she wanted to talk, but she said nothing. She sat her shoes down by the door, and he noticed her toenails were painted black this time, her feet so tiny, and tan. In fact, everything about Remi was tiny. But right now, in this moment, standing before him with a tear-streaked face, puffy eyes, and weak posture, she looked pocket-sized. Max considered going to her and bringing her into his massive arms. He could cover her body completely, hold her, and make her feel safe.

Only he didn’t, because he was certain he wasn’t allowed, not anymore.

Instead, he got back to loading the dishwasher in silence.

He tried not to look up and stare, but he couldn't help but watch as she took in the clean living room in surprise.

“You didn’t have to do that,” she said.

He put a plate covered in crusty pizza sauce in the dishwasher. “No, I did. I made a real mess of this place all on my own.”

“It’s my job to clean up after you,” she said coldly as she crossed the room towards him.

Maybe she would scold him. He knew he deserved it if she did, though he hoped she wouldn't; he didn't think he could handle being told how awful he was. Not after finding out what he had from his father. Not after being put on personal leave from hockey. Not from her. Not fromRemi. She was the last person he wanted to let down, and yet he had done just that the second his life became too heavy.

“This is a different situation, I think,” he said timidly.

“How so? You make a mess. I clean it up. It’s Wednesday. It’s a mess. I clean it up. How is this time any different?” she asked, her voice elevating with each word.

“It just is.”

“Because I freaked out? Or maybe it’s because you fucking asked me to say yes to everything and then the second I asked foranything, for a simple response, you sent me a thumbs up. A thumbs up, Max. And then you let me walk intothis?”

He loaded an old oatmeal-covered bowl into the dishwasher, shifting his eyes from her stone-cold gaze. “You told me to give you a thumbs up.”

“Yeah, but that didn’t mean I wanted one, Max. Read the fucking room. I wanted more. I thought you did too. I guess I was wrong.”

“You weren’t wrong to want more, you deserved better than a stupid thumbs up.” He looked back up at her, afraid of what he might see in her eyes.

---