Page 51 of Out Of Time

“I kiss you, of course,” he said.

“My closet isn't big enough, in case you were wondering.”

“No, I think this time I might like to do this on a bed.”

“But you always sleep on the couch,” she argued, and he was glad to have this version of her back, feisty and fun, and so damn confident and beautiful.

“I wouldn't mind changing that. Sleeping in a bed sounds more appealing with the idea of you there with me,” he said, leaning down to press his lips against her neck.

She tugged on his hand, pulling him towards her bedroom.

“I just realized I’ve never seen your room,” he said before entering.

She smiled up at him before pushing the door open, color spilling into his senses; pictures and books, the smell of fresh linen and lemon cleaner, her curtains blowing about, the oceanin the distance a reminder of how small they were in this big, terrifying world.

“I’m scared, Remi,” he said quietly standing across from her, unable to push away this fear buried deep in his chest, one he hadn’t vocalized until now.

“I know, Max. I know,” she said, running her hands comfortingly along his arms.

“I’m scared to lose my vision. That’s a given emotion, that’s to be expected. But the craziest part is that it’s not what scares me the most.”

“Tell me. Tell me what your biggest fear is so I can try and understand it. I want to know how to help you through this. And I want to do it with as much understanding and compassion as I can, while never having walked a day in your shoes.”

“I’m scared that I’m nothing without hockey. It’s been my entire identity my whole life. It’s all I know. It’s my only home and my only personality trait. I’m Max Miller, the goalie. I don’t know what I am if I’m not that guy. I’m terrified I’ll never be anything of importance once my career is gone.”

Remi closed the space between them, wrapping her arms around his body in a tight embrace. Her face pressed into the fabric of his shirt, her warm breath heating him there as she held him close.

“You are so much more than hockey and being a goalie. You are so much more, Max. Maybe you can’t see that in yourself yet, but I can, I have since the first day I met you. You’re a beautiful walking contradiction, and you have no idea how perfect you are. I want to walk beside you and hold your hand as you discover yourself, Max. I want to be there when you finally see your worth outside the arena, off the ice, without the pads and pucks. Because when you do, you’re going to absolutely shine in your self-discovery, I just know it. Your life has just begun, Max Miller, and I can’t believe I get to be a part of it.”

He pulled her face up to his and kissed her words into his existence. She was right, he was so much more, and this wasn’t the end of the line for him. Ifshewas lucky to have him, what did that make him for havingher?

He couldn’t articulate his feelings, there were no words, but he could show her. He could make her feel good.

“Can I take off your robe?” he asked, and she nodded as she took a step back, allowing him space to pull the fabric away from her naked body.

“You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” he said, stopping just a beat to appreciate her form.

“Now you,” she said, hinting at his fully clothed body.

He pushed away his shoes and then his socks before looking up at her. “I’m very red,” he said as he blushed.

“Carpet matches the drapes?” she teased.

“Oh yeah,” he said pulling his shirt over his head to reveal the red hair that covered his chest.

Remi stepped forward, and at first, he thought she might run her fingers over the chest hair, but her smile faded and her hand gently traced across the tally marks that covered his ribs.

“Oh,” he said, “about those.”

“Max,” she asked, a concerned line on her brow, “what does this mean?”

“It’s every game I’ve lost in front of the net with the NHL,” he said, and he didn’t know why, but shame flooded him admitting that.

“Why?” she asked.

“That’s a good question,” he said. “A question I think I used to be confident answering, but now with you looking at every loss I’ve ever had eternalized on my skin in ink, I’m not so sure it was the healthiest way to go about losing.”

“Okay, butwhytattoo your losses?” she asked again. “Help me to understand this.”

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