Page 78 of Out Of Time

He looked up at her after a moment of silence, trying to convince her with his half-smile that he was okay. Maybe he wasn’t fully okay in this moment, but he would be, eventually. He wouldn’t be this hard to handle, this sensitive, this fragile forever.

Itwouldn’t be this hard forever.

“I don’t want you to have to choose your words wisely around me,” he said, pressing up to kiss her neck, “I just want you to say whatever you say, and if it triggers something in me, I just need you to dothis. I just need you to do exactly what you’re doing right now.”

“Holding you?” she asked reluctantly.

“Helping me feel safe enough to be vulnerable. Helping me to live through this unashamed. Because I can’t push these heavy emotions away. If I do, they’ll just fester inside me until I explode.”

“I’ll always be safe, I promise,” she said, pulling him up to sit next to her on his bed, both completely comfortable in their nudity.

“I killed the mood,” he said sadly.

“Ikilled the mood,” she argued.

He took her hand in his and brought it up to kiss it. “Can we try for a different mood? Just for a little while. Just until I can get my head in a better place. Can this be ato-be-continuedkind of thing?”

“What do you have in mind?” she asked.

“I was thinking you could show me some of your favorite music.”

Remi’s smile grew wide, the awkward moment fading with ease. “Should we stay naked?” she joked.

“Do cat ears count as clothing?”

Remi pressed play on the next song she chose to share with Max. So far, they discovered he liked the faster songs, and he was a huge fan of heavy bass lines. She wore one of his Condors tees and he wore a pair of athletic shorts and his black cat ears, which made Remi smile. She thought she had ruined the night with just a few simple words. She didn’t think Max was a quitter by any means, and she didn’t thinkhethought he was a quitter, but she knew right now, he might react differently as he processed what he was up against. Tonight, she knew that donuts and blowjobs aside, in the back of Max’s head, he was preparing himself for the moment he walked back into the locker room to tell his team that he would never return to the ice.

While that didn’t qualify as quitting, Remi understood why Max might feel that way.

His emotions were too big right now, and Remi was fine helping him navigate those big emotions. She was a cleaner, a fixer, and ultimately, she was a lover. And she loved this man. She couldn’t fix him, but she could stick around, even when things got hard.

The music had stepped in like a crutch to save the night after their intimate fumble. Remi was grateful they were able to go from the exposure of their naked bodies to the exposure of the deepest hurt so gracefully.

With the music blasting, Max gave her a nod of approval as one of her favorite bands filled the space around them.

“I like this one,” he said.

“Yeah?” she asked.

“Yeah. This might be my favorite so far.”

Remi did a little happy dance before climbing up onto his lap to straddle him on the massive couch. “So, this is just an idea, but this band is actually playing a show tomorrow night at a little venue in Huntington.”

“What does that even mean? I don’t speak this music language.”

Remi leaned in and kissed his nose. “Okay, so a show is like a concert, but smaller. It’s usually in a dive bar or a small venue with standing room only. People crowd in, get really sweaty, and sometimes a little rowdy. You drink shit beer, and the music is so loud your ears hurt afterwards. There’s usually a hot dog vendor outside when the show is over, and it’s just… it’s the best,” she said with a huff.

Max looked at her, his face a little unsure before he said, “And they’re playing a concert on Christmas Eve?” he asked.

Remi laughed. “Ashow,” she corrected. “And yes, not everyone has a family to cozy up with by a Christmas tree, some of us have always spent the holidays wherever we could find company.”

“Do you go to a concert or ashowevery Christmas Eve?” he asked.

“No,” she said, “I don’t have any holiday traditions.”

“Me either,” he admitted.

“To be honest, you’re the first person I’ve spent the holidays with since my mom passed away.”

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