Page 118 of Rebellious Hearts
“You’re that serious about her?”
I nodded. The truth was, I reallywasthat serious about her. Even though it was fucking terrifying to think of being with a woman long term, of marriage, and children… but the alternative wasnothaving her in my life for all of that, and that part scared me a hell of a lot more.
“Alex told me you’d gotten tangled up with her, but I didn’t think it was a big deal. I mean, you don’t really do that kind of thing, you know?”
“I know,” I said. “But she’s different. She looks at the world, and suddenly it turns into this magical place. She touches something and it turns from something horrible into something amazing. She looks at me… and I feel like the same happens. I want that with her.”
Chris grinned at me.
“What?” I asked, defensive.
“I’m not laughing at you, relax. I think it’s beautiful that you found something you care this much about. You deserve it, Ben.”
That was the thing. Until recently, I really didn’t think I deserved it. But now, after everything I’ve been through, afterall the soul-searching and waxing poetic over a woman I’d never meant to fall for, Ididthink I deserved it.
“I have to tell you something,” I said, looking down.
“What?”
I hesitated just a beat. “She’s pregnant.”
When I glanced up at Chris because he didn’t reply, his mouth hung open, and he blinked at me.
“It wasn’t supposed to happen,” I added. “And at first, I wasn’t going to really be a part of the whole thing, you know? But I don’t know, I think it could actually be okay. Having a family.”
“Having a family is the best part, Ben,” Chris said.
Just those words. Nothing else. No judgement, no snide remarks. Just the words that I should have known all along.
“She didn’t call, though.”
“So? Maybe she didn’t see it. Or maybe she didn’t get that you weren’t just talking about the project. Or maybea lot of things.If you want her, man, you should go get her.”
He was right. Damn it, he was right.
“And if she doesn’t want me?” That was the part that scared the shit out of me. What if I went after her and she didn’t want me? What if she told me that she was going to do it alone, that she didn’t want me in her life, that I’d ruined our chances?
“Then it’s her loss,” Chris said. “Because you’re a pretty great guy. But I can’t see why she wouldn’t want you.”
My worries and fears returned in a wave, and for a moment I wanted to tell Chris that it would be because I wasn’t worth it.
But I shoved the thoughts away and refused to verbalize them. Because Iwasworth it.
“It’s a risk you have to take,” Chris said. “Love is always a risk. But if you don’t risk it all, you’ll be right where you are now. At least, if you try, you have the chance that you’ll find that happy ending. If you don’t try, then you’re already sealing your ownfate. Don’t wait for the princess to come to you, Ben. Be the knight, get on that fucking steed, go get her.”
I snorted. “You’re such a sap.”
Chris laughed. “Yeah, well. Whatcha gonna do?”
I knew exactly what I was going to do.
I stood. “I have to go.”
Chris chuckled. “Yeah, I thought so. I have to go anyway, too. I have a workshop to get back to, you know?”
I left my office before Chris did, practically jogging out of the building. I hopped into one of the company cars—fucked if I was going to wait for a car to take me where I needed to go—and floored it through the streets of LA.
While I drove, I tried not to let my mind run loose.
