Page 75 of Rebellious Hearts
“Yeah. I think it’s pretty cool of you to not drop him in the shit for it. He has a way of putting his foot in his mouth when he’s under pressure. He looks like he’s cool and collected but underneath that suit of his he’s squirming.”
“Yeah, I realized that,” I said, nodding. Amy knew Ben really well, but for some reason, the fact that she knew that more vulnerable, soft side about him made me jealous. She was really close to Ben.
“Can I ask you something personal?” I blurted out.
Amy raised her eyebrows but nodded. “Go ahead. I’m an open book. Ask anyone I’ve offended.”
I laughed, but my smile faded again.
“You’ve known Ben a long time, right?”
“Yeah,” Amy said. “The joking part of me would tell youtoo longbut that’s cliché by now. Besides, it’s not too long. Ben is the kind of guy you want to know forever.”
I nodded. “Why aren’t you dating him, then?”
When I looked up at Amy, her face was riddled with surprise. “Does knowing someone for a long time mean dating is the next step?”
“Well, no,” I said, shaking my head. “I mean, you’re really good together. You’re comfortable around him, you know his other side—the one he doesn’t show the world—and he seems to be really open with you. I just thought…”
“Ben is like a brother to me and Luke,” Amy said. “Besides, he’s not my type. Too broody, you know?”
“He is broody,” I admitted.
Amy smiled. “But he seems likeyourtype.”
I shook my head immediately. “He’s really not. I mean, it’s all just a game. We’re pretending. It doesn’t mean anything.”
“Right…” Amy narrowed her eyes at me. “It doesn’t look like you’re pretending.”
“We’re just pretending really well,” I defended. “But when this is over, it will be over between us, too. Besides, I might be leaving, anyway.” Shit, I shouldn’t have said that. “I mean… it’s not set in stone. It’s just… don’t tell anyone I said that.”
Amy narrowed her eyes at me. “Does Ben know you’re leaving?”
I shook my head. “And he doesn’t need to. I mean,ifit even happens. It’s a business decision and he’s not directly my boss. It goes through HR, and I guess it will just be the kind of thing that we take through the motions when the time comes…” I felt like I was digging myself a hole, deeper and deeper, when I should just have kept my mouth shut.
I worried my lower lip. “Will you tell him?”
Amy tilted her head at me and looked at me down her nose a little, as if she was sizing me up.
“No, it’s not my secret to tell. But youshouldtell him. He deserves to know.”
“Like I said, nothing is set in stone. If there’s something to know, I’ll tell him.”
Amy watched me again until I felt the urge to squirm. I looked away, fixing my hair in the mirror even though it didn’t need fixing, getting away from Amy’s icy eyes that seemed to pierce me.
“You know, Ben isn’t such a bad guy to love. I know he can be a handful, and his past really catches up with him sometimes.”
“He told me,” I said softly and glanced at her in the mirror.
Amy gasped. “Hetoldyou?”
I frowned. “Is that a bad thing?” I turned to face her again, feeling like I wasn’t in the direct line of fire anymore.
“Ben doesn’t tellanyone. The only reason we know about it is because he got really drunk one night in college and spilled it all, but that was it. He never, ever talks about it to anyone other than us. If he told you, that means something.”
I shook my head. “I was talking about my past and I guess it just fit in with the topic. It’s not a big deal.”
Amy put her hand on my arm. “Everything with Ben is a big deal. If it’s not, he’ll kick you out of his bed come daylight and that will be the end. You’llknowthere’s nothing there.”
