Page 94 of Rebellious Hearts
“You should talk to her,” Luke suggested.
I snorted. “And say what?”
“Ask her what’s going on. You overheard a part of a conversation. It’s better if you actually talk to her and ask her directly, find out the whole picture. Or ask Amy.”
I shook my head. “I’m not doing that. I’m not going to run around between girls, trying to patch a picture together when I heard what I needed to hear.”
“You’re being an idiot,” Luke said outright.
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me. You’re being an idiot, and if you’re not going to try to find out what’s really going on, try to figure out where this is going and leave it at that, then you’re exactly the person you’ve made yourself out to be to the world.”
I blinked at Luke.
“I know there’s more to you, Ben,” Luke said. “Amy and I spent our whole friendship knowing that this mask you wear isto cover up your pain and to make sure you don’t get hurt again. We get it. But at the end of the day, if you don’t fix shit for yourself and figure out a way to get what you want, it doesn’t matter who you are under all that. You’ll just become the guy everyone knows. And quite frankly, that guy is an idiot.”
I stared at Luke.
He finally finished his drink and stood.
“Look, I want the best for you. I want you to be happy and I really think with Sofia, you have a shot at that. You don’t deserve a shitty future just because you have a shitty past. But you’re in charge here, Ben. No one else is anymore, and if you don’t make it happen…” Luke shrugged. “Amy and I are headed home. We’ll see you in Newport.”
He turned and left the bar, leaving me behind with the half-empty bottle of whisky, two empty glasses, and a heart that felt like it was cracking down the middle.
He was right, of course. I wasn’t the person I showed the world. But it wasn’t that easy. He didn’t know that because he’d grown up in a family that’s always wanted him. He was the one who didn’t want his family, not the other way around. He didn’t know what it meant to want to be someone else, to feel like the person he was just wasn’t good enough.
He didn’t know how it felt to think that everything would be okay as long as everyone stuck together… until he was the only one left and the rest had all walked away.
He could keep telling me that the guy I showed the world was an idiot, but at least that guy was safe from getting hurt. That guy could do anything because I’d made him up, so nothing could ever go wrong with him.
My phone buzzed in my pocket. I wanted to grab it, but then I saw Amy walk out of the living room door to meet Luke.
I headed toward them.
Luke said a couple of things to her, and Amy shook her head… and then they turned and left.
My steps faltered, and I stood in the doorway that led to the bar.
I waited for Sofia to emerge. To see me.
I wanted her to come to me. I wanted her to tell me what the hell was going on. I needed her to so that she could tell me that thiswasreal. That this was something we could work through, that it wasn’t just pretend.
When she didn’t emerge from the door, my heart cracked a little more, and that moment where I was willing to bare all slipped away.
I felt my mask slip tightly into place, and I turned back to the bottle of whisky that waited for me, pouring another glass.
30
SOFIA
“Thank you,” I said to Amy and hugged her again.
“Always,” Amy said. “It’s going to be fine, you’ll see.”
I swallowed hard. I was terrified of what it would mean to talk to Ben, to tell him I was pregnant, but Amy had convinced me it was the right thing to do. And she was right, of course. Amy was so level-headed.
When I’d met Ben and his friends, I’d seen her almost as a threat. But she was so sweet and kind and she had everyone’s best interests at heart.
