Page 108 of Rebellious Hearts
But deep down, I understood what Alex was saying and maybe, just maybe, he was right.
But to believe that there was a chance I could be happy was dangerous.
I’d built a house of cards based on the fact that I was invincible, and if I admitted I wasn’t, and it wasn’t reciprocated, that house of cards would come falling down.
And if it did? What then?
34
SOFIA
Aknock sounded at my door, and when I opened it, Amy stood there, smiling brightly.
"Hi!" she said, her voice light.
“Oh, what a surprise. What are you doing here?”
We’d been texting back and forth a few times, and we’d planned a night in at my place, but it wasn’t time for that yet.
“I’m here to take you out of your apartment and your head.”
I smiled and ran my hands through my hair. I’d been lying on the couch all day, with half of my concentration on a television show and the other half wallowing in self-pity about my life.
“I don’t know… I don’t have a lot of energy.”
“Then we’ll rest when you need to rest.”
I hesitated again, but Amy’s bright eyes and expectant face won me over.
“Okay,” I said. “Just let me get into something suited for outside.”
Amy giggled and walked into my apartment, waiting on the couch while I put on jeans and a top, throwing on a patent leather jacket over it and pulling on boots.
“Ready?” Amy asked when I reappeared in the living room, looking a lot better than before. I’d even run a brush through my hair.
“Yeah,” I said. “For now, I still fit into these jeans, so I should wear them while I can, right?”
“We should go pregnancy clothes shopping sometime,” Amy said.
I shook my head. I wanted to protest, but the truth was I would need it. I couldn’t just make my pregnancy go away by ignoring it.
“We’ll see.”
Amy smiled at me. She was being upbeat on purpose, not giving me a chance to be down or miserable. I knew what she was doing, and I appreciated it.
Even though a part of me was exhausted and I didn’t want to play along.
We left my apartment, and Amy looped her arm through mine.
“How have you been?”
“I’ve been sick a lot,” I said. “I can’t seem to keep anything down right now.”
“I’ve heard it gets better by the second trimester. Have you been to see a doctor yet?”
“No,” I said, embarrassed. I might have beenhopingthat if I ignored the pregnancy, it really would go away.
“You should do that. You need a couple of things, and you can’t just pretend that everything is going to go on like normal.”
