Page 16 of Rebellious Hearts
I flashed on his body, naked and writhing, pinning me down. The stubble on his chin grazing my neck. Or my nipple. His hardness driving into me…
Great nightwas a hell of an understatement.
“Yeah, but maybe he really is the hit-and-run type, and he’s not happy that he has to see me again.”
Or maybe he didn’t think it was such a great night, a small voice in the back of my mind worried. What if I thought he was incredible but he didn’t like it, and now he’s upset that it’smehe has to deal with?
I squeezed my eyes shut. If he thought I wasn’t worth it, wasn’t good enough, then it was my nightmare all over again.
“What if this is the same as with Phil?” I asked in a small voice.
“Don’t youdare,” Elena threatened. “Phillip was the fucking problem, not you.” When Elena started swearing I knew she was really angry.
“Yeah, you’re right,” I said, but it wasn’t that easy to just accept it as fact. Phillip and I had been in a serious relationship for four years. I’d been ready to give him everything.
Only to find out that, apparently, myeverythinghadn’t been good enough. I’d wanted a family with him, a life that I could look back on one day when I was old and smile, telling myself I did good. Kids, grandkids…
All I had now was my career and damned if I wasn’t going to rise to the top with that since I’d made my peace with the fact that it just wasn’t going to happen for me that I had a family.
I’d created a new dream. People did that all the time, right?
Phil had really done a number on me, and I’d worked long and hard to put him in my past.
And still… thinking that Ben might not have thought I was good enough, that he was grumpy because he’d hoped he could just forget about the night altogether, was still difficult not to have rolling in my mind over and over again.
“Don’t overthink this,” Elena warned. She knew me well enough that she knew that was exactly what I was doing right now.
“I won’t,” I said. “I just want this project to work out so that my superiors can see what I’m worth.”
I wasn’t going to let Ben get in the way of that, no matter what a pain I’d just found out he could be.
“Good,” Elena said. “That’s exactly the mindset you should have. When are you leaving?”
“I’m supposed to fly out with him tomorrow morning in a private plane.”
“A private plane? Wow.”
“Yeah.” I pressed my hand against my forehead. “I should have put all the pieces together. Partying at Jester, a private car to take me home afterward, and that penthouse suite… why didn’t I figure it out?”
“You shouldn’t beat yourself up about this,” Elena said. “What happened, happened. You can’t change the past, and focusing on it is just going to make you panic.”
She wasn’t wrong. Anxiety was something I struggled with from time to time. I didn’t have full-blown panic attacks because I noticed the signs early enough, but it was still something I had to keep an eye on.
“I’m just worried about the flight,” I admitted. “A private plane, withjustBen… it sounds up close and personal.”
“It’s just a business meeting,” Elena said. “A fancy office that happens to take you to Harborview. See it that way. Professional, calm, collected.”
“Right.” I nodded. “I can do that. I do it every day.”
“He’s just like one of your interns. You handle them firmly but politely.”
I snorted. “This isn’t like that.”
“Well, no. I know he’s not like an intern. I mean… he’s Benjamin freakingBlackwood. But still, you can put on the professional face, right? Besides, if he wants to be grumpy with you, then you just handle him like the child he’s being.”
I giggled, thinking about Ben’s large, muscular body, his upright posture, the way he carried himself. He wasveryfar from being a child.
God, just thinking about that body…
