Page 78 of Rebellious Hearts
“It’s just pretend, Aimz. I told you that. This isn’t something we can keep doing long term.”
“Well, not the pretend part,” Amy said and she glanced at the bartender. Maybe she was against the idea of more tequila, but if she wanted to get into the deep stuff, then she was going to drink it with me. “But thebeing with Sofiapart.”
I nodded slowly. “Yeah, I get what you’re saying. But it’s just not that simple. We can’t date, she’s an employee of the company.”
“And if she wasn’t?”
“I can’t just fire her because I want her,” I said.
Amy opened her mouth to say something but she shook her head, catching herself.
“No, I guess not.”
I narrowed my eyes at her. “What were you going to say?”
“Nothing important,” Amy said, shaking her head. “You know you can work around whatever you think the problem is—why you can’t date after this.”
“I can’t work around myself,” I muttered and picked up the second shot of tequila.
Amy frowned. “What are you talking about? You can’t still think that just because of your past you’re not worth this relationship. You know that you’re way beyond that, you’ve recreated yourself.”
“You don’t know her the way I do, Amy,” I said, throwing back the shot before Amy even had a chance. I needed the alcohol. “She’s perfect. And she deserves a lot better than me.”
“You’re selling yourself short.”
“I’m being realistic.”
Amy put her hand on my arm. “Ben, you’re blind if you can’t see what’s happening here. It’s not so bad to be loved by someone. You deserve so much more than you realize, and if you let this end after the project… you’re an idiot.”
I shrugged. I couldn’t explain it to Amy, even with alcohol in my system. Yeah, she knew about my past and how I saw myself because of it. But what she didn’t know was that even though Sofia made me want to be the best version of myself, she still deserved better. I could fool myself for a short while, believe that this was going to work out, that I could have someone like her in my life, but the facts were that I wasn’t good enough.
My parents didn’t want me for a reason.
They kept the others no matter how hard shit got, but they gave me away.
What did that say about me?
Something about who I was just wasn’t good enough. I looked like a Blackwood. I’d been polished and mounted and shone just like a Blackwood. But I’d been adopted last, I’d been overlookedfor years, and no matter how much you polished a fake diamond, it would never be the real deal.
No one would understand that.
And if anyone deservedthe real deal, it was Sofia.
24
SOFIA
Someone knocked on my door, and when I opened it, it was Ben.
“Hey,” he said with a grin and reached for me, sliding his arm around my waist. He was tall and broad and when he pulled me tightly against him, I was aware of his size, his muscles, the way he made me feel delicate in his arms.
I could just melt when he held me like this.
Pull yourself together.
But it was hard to keep my mind straight when he did this, when he was so calm and open anddeliciouslyloving.
I let him pull me closer to him and plant a kiss full on my lips.
