Page 95 of Rebellious Hearts
“I’m going upstairs,” I said.
“See you in Newport,” Amy said. Her phone pinged, and she took it out. She started typing, her attention on the phone, and I stood and left the living room. I rode the elevator to the penthouse level and stepped out to go to my suite. I glanced in the direction of Ben’s door.
I would talk to him, I just needed to take that test, make sure of the facts.
I stared in the bathroom mirror; my face was streaked with makeup, my hair was a mess. I ran a brush through my hair, tied it up in a ponytail, and washed my face. I brushed my teeth and changed from the business clothes I’d put on for our meeting with Richard into jeans, a T-shirt, and ballerina flats.
Sometimes, I wished I could change my situations the way I changed my clothes, putting on different lives like I put on outfits, or planning them out the way I planned my style.
I left the room and rode the elevator to the lobby.
Where the hell was Ben? I hadn’t seen him since he’d told me that Richie wasn’t coming.
I would call him later.
I didn’t ask the front desk to order a taxi. Instead, I started walking.
A drugstore wasn’t too far off, and a walk through town would do me good. Blue skies, fresh air laced with a tang of salt. I took deep breaths and let them out slowly.
Everything was going to be okay. I had to tell myself that. No matter what, we could make this work.
Amy had said that if I was pregnant and I told Ben, he would step up and do the right thing. And I believed her.
If Ben was the man everyone knew him to be, then I wouldn’t have believed her, but I’d come to know Ben for who he really was over the past couple of days, and he wasn’t nearly the kind of man the rest of the world saw.
He was the kind of man who could be a good father.
A good husband.
The moment I thought it, a shiver ran down my spine.
I couldn’t think like that. I couldn’t get ahead of myself. Being there for me and the baby—if I was pregnant—was one thing, but marriage, a family, building a life together…
Was I ready for something like that?
I’d told myself since Brad dumped me for someone else that I wasn’t cut out for that kind of life. Having a family, being a mother and a wife and managing a household were the dreams of a child, and I’d grown up since then. My career had been everything, and I’d vowed never, ever to let a man get between me and my dreams again.
But my dreams had started to change. The idea of leaving Newport and going to Costa Rica was everything I would have wanted had this opportunity come up before the trip to Harborview, but now… thinking about leaving Ben behind made me feel sick.
It made me want to stay.
But wouldn’t that just be me giving up my dreams for a man again?
Or would it be me realizing dreams that I’d pushed much, much deeper down and finally let out?
I forced myself to stop thinking. I was just going in circles, and maybe I wasn’t even pregnant.
Then it would all be decided.
That’s not true, the little voice told me.If you’re not pregnant, you’ll still be leaving Ben behind.
Damn it.
The pregnancy tests were easy to find. I took two, as if that would improve my odds. I walked back to the hotel and went up to my room to take the tests.
My stomach knotted into a bunch while I waited, but when it was time, the pluses on both tests weren’t a surprise.
I’d known all along.
