Page 30 of Pucking Fate

“Do you think we could maybe talk to him, tell him the truth soon?”

Maya blinks at me and that haze completely disappears, making me wish I hadn’t opened my mouth. “It’s too soon.”

“Too soon? Then when? By the end of the summer, at least, right?”

“I don’t know,” she replies softly, her eyes avoiding mine.

Cupping the side of her face, I tilt it toward mine so she has to look at me. “Baby, it’s killing me that he doesn’t know the truth. Do you have any idea how badly I want to hear him call me ‘dad’ or ‘daddy’? I want that more than a championship trophy, Maya.”

“I know, Christian. I can see how hard you’re trying,” she replies while stroking her fingertips over my several days’ worth of scruff. I usually forget to shave or decide to skip it every morning since I’m in such a hurry to come over here.

Turning to place a kiss on her palm, I ask, “How about on his birthday? It’s the first one I’ll get to spend with him. Let me tell him then.”

Maya looks away and swallows so hard that I know exactly what’s coming—a denial.

“It was hard when Preston left. It’s going to be just as tough on him when you go back to Greensboro…”

“I’m going to have to leave either way, though, whether he knows I’m his father or not. What difference does it make?”

“I don’t know,” she says with a sigh as she sits up on her elbows. “I can’t explain it. There’s just this ache in my chest at the thought of telling him and then having you turn around and leave.”

“So, you’re not going to tell him at the end of the summer?”

Biting her bottom lip, she finally says what I’ve known all along. “I haven’t decided yet. He’s going to miss you so much as it is…”

As much as I hate leaving, I need some space. I need to get out of this house, this goddamn bedroom that’s felt like heaven the past few days, before I lash out and say something I regret.

“You’re leaving? I haven’t…it was supposed to be your turn tonight.”

“I forfeit,” I reply as I pull on my athletic shorts and grab my shirt from the floor.

“Christian…”

Once I slip on my shirt, I turn back to face her. Maya’s sitting on the edge of the bed, her pajamas already covering her up. “I know you want to protect him. I already feel that same need to keep him safe from…everything in the world. But you know that I’m sticking around, that just because I may live in another state, that doesn’t mean I’m going to disappear from his life.”

“Finley won’t understand the distance during the hockey season.”

“There’s an easy way to solve that problem, too.”

“I’m not moving to Greensboro to keep leeching off my brother! Him and Elle deserve their privacy, and I can’t afford a place of my own…”

“You and Finley could move in with me. My huge penthouse apartment has two bedrooms.”

Maya shakes her head. “You don’t want that, Christian. Not really. Being a father is a huge responsibility. And we are not even a couple.”

“We could be.”

“We agreed that this was just physical between us, during the summer.”

“Why can’t it be just physical in Greensboro?”

“Living together is not just physical!” she huffs.

“Fine, I want more, Maya,” I blurt out. “I want to be with you. I want you to be mine in every damn way.”

She shakes her head. “That’s not…I’m sorry, Christian, but I can’t.”

While I may not be the sharpest skate on the ice, even I’m able to figure out that Maya’s refusal to tell Finley I’m his father isn’t about whether she thinks I’ll hurt him. Her refusal to let me be a bigger part of his life is all because she’s scared that I’m going to hurtheragain.

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