Page 95 of Pucking Fate

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Maya

While I only got about six hours of sleep last night, once we got home and unpacked, Finley got plenty of sleep during the ride.

He was up bright and early, and I had to do the same since my orientation meeting is this morning. Bree, one of the high school girls from down the street, should be here any minute to stay with Finley.

I’m sitting on the steps of the porch on a blanket, wearing my navy pantsuit and freshly pressed, bright yellow top, watching Finley hit around the plastic ball with his hockey stick unenthusiastically.

He looks like I feel.

“Are you okay, buddy?”

He shrugs, giving me a sad little smile. “I miss…everybody.”

I nod in understanding. “I miss everybody, too.”

The house, the yard, the whole city feels like it’s emptier than it’s ever been before.

Standing up, I go grab one of the sticks propped up against the side of the house.

“I’ll play goalie until Bree gets here,” I offer.

“You’re not going to be any good at it.”

Scoffing, I get in position in front of the goal and tell him, “Try me. We’re going to take turns, see who can make the most shots out of five,” I tell him, causing his face to light up.

Getting a running start, Finley takes his first shot, sending the ball flying right between my legs.

He jumps up and down in celebration.

And while I love these moments alone with my son, we both know someone, two someones, are missing.

I’m so sick of missing them, especially Christian.

“Mommy, you’re wearing the Bobcats colors!”

I glance down, noticing the navy blue and yellow are the Greensboro team’s colors for the first time.

And the dress I chose to wear to Georgia was the same dark blue with yellow wedge sandals…It’s like I’ve been subconsciously dressing for Bobcat home games.

I really want to be in North Carolina for every single game.

Is this job, my independence, worth being apart from the man I love?

Is anything worth being apart?

It’s possible I could find a similar activities director's job in Greensboro. I think I’ve always known that and was just being stubborn, too afraid to take the chance. Being so close to Christian without being with him would be so damn hard. But living without him is even harder.

I wanted this move to be my decision alone. God knows getting kicked out of my parent’s house wasn’t my choice, nor was it my choice where Preston had to move to play hockey.

The only big decision I’ve made in six years was to have my son. The rest I conceded for him, for us.

But now, well, I’m ready to pack up and move. I’m ready to take that chance with Christian, to try to be a family.

Life is short. I don’t want to get a call anytime soon, losing someone I love and have any regrets.

Grabbing the ball, I toss it back to Finley who chases after it. While he’s bringing it back toward the goal using his stick, I ask him, “Do you think it would be worth it to leave this house, this yard, and your friends to go live in the same city as Christian and Uncle Preston?”

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