Page 58 of On Your Knees

Then Ridge is there. No words. No questions. Just his arms around me as he scoops me up, holding me like I am something fragile. Something he isn’t willing to let fall apart. I press my face to his chest as he carries me outside, his grip firm, like he is holding me together until I can breathe again.

Zeland walks beside us, his normal cheery self now filled with silence, and I’m too scared to look over at him. If he is pissed at me, I don’t want to see it, and I wouldn’t blame him if he was.

When we reach Ridge’s car, he slides me into the back and buckles me in, and we all ride home locked in our own thoughts. When we arrive, Ridge picks me up again and carries me inside. Zeland storms off, and I go to wriggle out of Ridge’s arms, but he tightens hishold.

“Just let him have a moment,” he says as he walks us through the foyer and up the stairs toward my room.

The rejection stings. Ridge never brings me to my room—it’s always his. I silently cry against his chest until he places me on my bed.

“Do you think he will ask me to leave?”

“What?” Ridge lifts my chin, forcing me to look at him. “Why would he want that?”

“Because I did what I do best and screwed everything up.”

“Let me get one thing straight—you are not going anywhere. Zeland is not angry at you because you did nothing wrong. I will fill in a few blanks in Zeland’s story. Before now, he has never done relationships. Not because he is afraid of them, but because he knows how easily he gets attached. It’s why we always kept us so casual. I’m sure he says it’s because I don’t do love, and it’s partly true, but mostly it’s because he worries that if he loves someone he will scare them away. So tonight, Arlo running would have confirmed his fears.”

“Damn, we are a messed-up bunch. I have a fear of abandonment, so I never let anyone close, but why don’t you do love? What’s your story?”

Ridge sighs. “There’s not really a story—I just don’t believe love exists. The word is too often used as leverage, affection is normally given with strings attached, and loyalty is bought. It’s just a performance people use to get what they want.”

“Do you really believe that? I know you love Zeland—you would give up everything for him.”

“Would I? Because I have thought about it a lot and I know without a shadow of doubt he would give up everything for me, but I struggle with the conviction that I would do the same.”

“Bullshit,” I snap, and his eyes widen at the force. “I was a fucking stranger and the lengths you went to just to make sure Zeland would be okay around me were borderline creepy. Shit, you employed my online gaming buddy. You’re looking at a hypothetical that will never happen, because Zeland would never ask that of you. If he needed a kidney and you were a match, would you give him one?”

“Of course, but I would do the same for you.”

“Okay, if he murdered me in my sleep, would you call the cops?”

“That’s a question I can’t answer without knowing all the details.”

“Fine,” I huff. “If he walked away and never looked back, would the world feel the same?”

Ridge’s eyes go wide. I doubt he has ever considered Zeland leaving him.

“Maybe now is a good time to talk to him about it, because if he is feeling the way I think he is right now, he needs you.”

Ridge nods. “But he doesn’t just need me, he needs us. You can’t walk away either, stray. I don’t know if I could deal with that.”

I run my fingers through his hair. “I’m not going anywhere—you are both stuck with me as long as you need me around.”

Ridge leans over and picks me up. “We don’t need you here; wewantyou here. No matter if we fight, or if something goes wrong, this is your home and we will always talk things out. I told you once before, but I will say it again: don’t run from me, I will find you. And I have no qualms about locking you up for eternity.”

“You wouldn’t,” I say with a smile. “I would annoy you too much with my quick wit.”

Ridge walks us both toward Zeland’s room and puts me down before he knocks. He doesn’t wait for Zeland to reply before he twists the handle and pushes open the door. Zeland is sitting on the edge of his bed, his hands in his hair, staring at the ground. He glances at us forlornly as we walk in. Ridge drops to his knees in front of Zeland and I sit beside him, taking his hand in mine and squeezing gently.

“You’re not allowed to leave me,” Ridge states, and Zeland looks at him blankly and then at me.

I burst out laughing. Of course Ridge, who is normally good with words, cannot express what he means when it comes to his feelings.

“What I mean is, I never believed in love because of the bullshit examples our world has shown me. They’re not love; extortion is a closer word. But I realize I can’t live my life without you, Zee. If you were not here, neither would my heart be.”

Zeland chuckles and grabs Ridge’s face. “I love you too.”

Like an idiot, I clap as their lips press together. “Yay! My work here is done.”

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